Poz Mikey

6/12/2006

Steps

Someone on my blog commented I was pathetic and should get a life. That life goes on even after finding out that you are HIV positive. So to this blogger I say you are right. I am learning to deal with HIV and learning that we all take different steps to our accepting a disease.

The first step was for me accepting what is inside my body and all that goes with HIV. We never know when life is going give us that curve ball, and how we are going to handle that ball. I bitched and whined in my posting about being drunk over gay pride weekend about how scared I was to have sex.

Acknowledgement is what I should have written in that posting. That was a huge step for me just to even think about putting myself back onto the market. For me to have the idea of even the slightest chance of having a relationship, or being sexually active with a partner was a huge step.

They say the first few years are the hardest when you find out you are positive. That HIV just becomes a nuisance after acceptance. Maybe I was just really shaken up my first year having watched three roommates die from the disease.

Anyone who knows me in the flesh knows I have an amazing outlook on life. There is a lot of joy, love, and caring in my persona. They know everyday my attitude about HIV is changing into something I can live and deal with on a daily basis. Everyday I am learning from what I call the old timers who have been positive 5, 10, 15, and 20 years.

So I will keep making my small and large steps and deal with this disease. I will keep on learning how far I can push my body. Who knows maybe one day I might take that giant step out of a plane I always wanted to do and not worry on what the side effects. So to Greek Stories I say, I am still learning what you already know and accepted!!!

11 Comments:

  • HIV affects different people quite differently, and I am not talking to about the length of time in which they accept it and move on. That is simply a bi-product of one's circumstances. How much money does one have when infected. Magic Johnson was able to go on almost immediately, because he had the money to KNOW he would get the best treatment and live a long life with the disease. How much fame and sympathy points you have accumulated. Greg Louganis was the wonderboy of the diving world and had a lot of people rooting for him at the time of his diagnosis, and like Magic, many fans wishing for a speedy path to treatment. How sick were you when you found out. If you have come close to dying from the disease, it's a lot harder to escape the fear than if you got detected early and never got to the tipping point. Yes, Mikey should become more confident in himself and not let the disease rule his life, but he is doing GREAT work in raising awareness about what the disease can make you feel like and do, and that in itself is part of his acceptance and helps so many others along the way. I say congrats and stay healthy to all who have dealt with their disease and are living a normal life with no fear, and I also say, take your time to the people like Mikey who are still learning day by day how to get to that life again......GG

    By Blogger The Gay Guru, At 6:34 AM  

  • Wow, I don't know what context that comment was made, but I think you handled it really well. I don't know that I would have taken it so well.
    Whether a person has HIV, been raped, molsted, or just had some seriously bad relationships, it takes time for everyone to get back out there. Everyone reacts and relates to things differnetly and everyone takes a different path to get to their place.

    I think your steps are amazing and remarkable and you will get there. One large, small, gigantic and baby step at a time, you'll get there. I look forward to seeing your journey, one step at a time!

    By Blogger Party Girl, At 7:26 AM  

  • it's the downside of blogging when someon lashes out when all you were trying to do was vent in a moment. this blog or the posts you write aren't the whole you and i for one can attest your positive outlook. you're fabulous. :)

    By Blogger Sizzle, At 7:42 AM  

  • I don't know what the intent was behind that person's post but I'd like to smack them upside the fucking head. Who the hell are they to say how you should be dealing with this mess, or how FAST you should be dealing with it? Argh.

    As others here have stated, you appear to have an amazingly healthy outlook. If you're not moving along as quickly as this person would like, then tell them to fuck off and read elsewhere.

    By Blogger Karl, At 9:02 AM  

  • Whoever said you are pathetic and should get a life should go suck it! Is this person positive? Does this person know what it is to see your mortality in front of you? Personally, I feel that you are someone of great strength because you share your fears and insecurities with the world. You are not choosing to be a victim you are choosing to be a hero through sharing your life struggles with those that might not be able to see past the end of their nose. I applaud you for your courage.
    I do think there is value in moving forward and not letting this disease control our lives with fear, but if we ignore the fear and hardship then we might as well be like the rest of the US and just ignore the disease. Perhaps the person that made that comment just doesnt want to hear about it. Well, too bad. It's time for people to wake up and realize that AIDS isn't just in Africa.

    Your blog and your ability to share is helping people. Thanks for that.

    By Blogger PozSeattle, At 9:50 AM  

  • Pozseattle- yes they are and I think they live in Germany

    By Blogger Mikey, At 12:06 PM  

  • Mikey, I am very sorry to hear your pain today.
    I am sending my deepest aloha to you.
    xoxox, e

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 1:55 PM  

  • The person who posted that comment is pathetic.

    GEEZ!

    By Blogger WAT, At 2:10 PM  

  • :::big hugs::: sent you an email.

    By Anonymous ~*~ pinky ~*~, At 4:54 PM  

  • i'm with the other, my dear sir mikey! you are an amazing man and i have nothing but admiration for your courage and strength. do we all have little pity parties from time to time? of course! we are all human, and no matter what it is in our lives that causes us pain, sometimes we just have to stop and acknowledge that we hurt. you are truly loved, mikey and i am one of those that love you!

    By Blogger canadiangirl, At 6:12 PM  

  • Beside Gay Guru's comment I must admit that the rest of the comments quite amused me..like "pathetic", " I shoudl go and suck it", "I have no idea what HIV is" and so on. I can only laugh because the only thing all of you understood was that I have been attacking Mikey because I am mean and clueless. Wow people, go on thinking like this, this sort of one sided thinking is what made your american society the mess it is. The lack of multidirectional understanding. Keep it up!
    And just for those who are a little IQ challenged...by always saying "oh Mikey we are so sorry and we understadn what you mean and keep it up and we all love you ("I love you has become as cheap as a cup of coffee people) doesn't give someone who suffers a great deal of help if he doesn't get from time to time a different kind of comment like "OK ,man, you are right but see ahead of you and life goes on and if your not getting the strength from your own inside energy, no one will give it to you".
    If this is pathetic, well then I am pathetic. If this makes me clueless about HIV, then I am clueless after watching three closest freinds dying in my hands from HIV. Obviously I have no idea what HIV means and what it does to people.
    Sorry people but if you are not in the state of listening something different than verbal cuddling....well I will spare me the comment.
    Obviously the one who accepted the comment the way it should be understood was Mikey.

    Greekstories

    By Blogger Greek Stories, At 1:40 PM  

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