Poz Mikey


The Full Story Of When I Found Out I Was Positive

I know I have shared this posting once before with some of my readers. Due to CNN running a special last night called "The End Of AIDS." I find myself compelled to repost this posting for all my new readers from MYSPACE, The GBBMC, and the "Ross"oholics.

I was dating a guy from the Monterey area. I will call him James. I am not really sure if it was James that infected me, but Matthew (my ex) and I both think it was him. I was totally infactuated with James. He was nice, kind, big hearted, and drove a porche. Him and I had the best sex in my life. Yes we had unprotected sex, but before we did he told me he was negative before we did. I knew I was negative also at the time, (from what I knew of him at that time I didn't think he would lie about his HIV/AIDS Status ) I do have to admit some of it was substance enhanced. Now I never shot up, but I did like to smoke. No I was never addicted to drugs as some of you might think. I put up so many barriers and limitations for myself so I wouldn't get addicted.

After we broke up, I was tested for HIV again, and the test came back negative. Little did I know at that time the virus was taking hold of my immune system. This was in 2001.

As the virus took hold, I just didn't feel like going out and doing things on my days off. I just wanted to chill in front of the boob tube and relax. My whole life was about working and nothing else. No sex, no entertainment nothing but working, sleeping and eating.

Three years go by and my boss at the time said to me one day "Are you working out or something because you are loosing a lot of weight." Little did I know at the time I started to go into what is known as "wasting." I was having these aches and pains and like most people I was thinking "It's just from getting older."

In the beginning of the summer of 2004, I remember something coming out of my mouth. It was a piece of thrush (I didn't know what thrush was at the time). I checked my mouth to see if there was anymore in there and there wasn't so I thought "Ok it just some weird one time thing my body was doing." I never told anyone that I found that piece of thrush until today. I didn't know all the symptoms of HIV and later I found out the list is as long as my arm.

So September of 2004 comes around and I look like a walking skeleton. Matthew and the people I'm around don't say anything about the way I look, or they were afraid to mention anything to me. I am trying to work, but I have to call in sick a lot and maybe be able to do 10 hours a week.

My weight is down from 140 to about 110 pounds. The thrush has completely taken over my mouth and is partially down my throat. In fact it so bad it is growing on the outside of my mouth. It was very hard for me to talk, let alone eat, and drink anything. When I would cough, big chunks of thrush got stuck in my throat. I had a towel by my bed so when I coughed up the thrush I had something to spit it into. I hid that from Matthew at the time so he wouldn't worry.

I can't pay the rent now for being to sick. I didn't have health insurance for my job didn't offer it, (I was working for a nationwide sandwich chain). The county refused to see me because I couldn't afford the co-pay they wanted due to being so sick, and couldn't see a doctor because of finances and no insurance.

Finally, Matthew asked his doctor in S.F. about what I was going threw, and Matthew asked me if I was tested for HIV/AIDS. I said not lately, I haven't slept with anyone since May of 2001. why would I need to be tested? The last test came back negative.

So on September 30, 2004 I tested positive for the HIV virus. One week before my birthday. When the person told me I burst out into tears right there in the free testing site. So after I was tested Matthew had himself tested to make sure he wasn't positive since we lived together. He was and still is negative. That night I cried myself to sleep thinking I'm going to die in a few weeks.

So Matthew's doctor tells him I should try to sign up for ADAP (AIDs Drugs Assistance Program). After I tested positive, now the county wanted to do all they could for me. One day before my birthday I see a county doctor. Later I found out my doctor is also positive. Sorry doc to "out you" but I wanted my readers to know because of the next few lines. He is asking me all sorts of personal questions thinking I had known I was positive for awhile , I am thinking he's a cold hearted bastard who doesn't care. Again I burst into tears in the doctors office.

On October 20 of 2004 I received my test results back. My viral load was 551,221 and my CD 4 count was at 65 (this is also known as your T cell count.) Yes, I found out I had full blown AIDS. Again I burst out into tears in the doctor's office. For those of you who don't know the standard right now is anything above a 200 count you have HIV+, anything below that you have full blown AIDS.

I still can't pay the rent due to not working and my benefits (Unemployment) have not come in yet. I can barely walk to the end of the driveway and back without being exhausted. About two weeks later, someone shows up at the front door. I answered the door and a person hands me an eviction notice from the landlord. About this time I started my cocktails.

The Sunday or two before we have to be out, I had to go to the emergency room. I try to drink and eat but things are only going half way down and coming right back up and out. I had to have three IV's bags of saline solution to rehydrate me. It seems I was allergic to one of the meds. I couldn't get a hold of the county nurses or the doctors at the time because it was a weekend and the ones on call never returned my messages. I have stopped taking that med and if I do take it again it will kill me.

So the week of Thanksgiving that year, I am made to pack up and move all our belongings with Matthew. Matthew is going to live with at that time with his so called boyfriend. Matthew and I were together 9 years, then he broke up with me but we still remained friends and lived together for another 7 years.
So now I am thinking I am going to be out living on the street.
The Org puts me into a HIV/AIDS support house. I lived in that house until the first of February of 2005 when I was evicted again for my benefits ran out and no one would hire me. Now I am living in another HIV house in which I enjoy even more. Yeah I had a lot of troubles and tribulations in 2005 and now things are finally starting to turn around, and I feel I can now have sex again.

I am not sure about the whole relationship thing yet. My viral load is now 62 as of February 2008 down from over half a million. My T cells are at 608.The thrush is gone now, it took over a year to go away from becoming resistant to the meds. I can say that it took HIV/AIDS to make me enjoy life again. I hoped you all enjoyed me bearing my heart and soul today. It was a little rough blogging this posting. I am putting this out to all readers. Please have yourself tested.


  • Thank you, my friend, for sharing your story with me - I am honored and humbled... and extremely glad to hear that you have responded well to your treatment... that's absolutely amazing and to me one of the greatest miracles today! :-)

    By Blogger Justin Thyme, At 4:18 PM  

  • Wow. This was one of the questions I've been wanting to ask you as well, but wasn't quite sure how to since we hardly know each other.

    Thank you for sharing. That could not have been easy.

    By Anonymous Kevin, At 12:33 PM  

  • you, my dear, are an amazing man...old fart or not...i'm glad you wrote it down and dared to share it.

    kisses - jules

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 2:22 PM  

  • That was inspiring Mikey, I just posted this morning how much I was enjoying your blog, and am hoping, people read that and made it by here to read that. Something everyone should know. Hats Off!!

    By Anonymous The Gay Guru, At 9:34 PM  

  • Bravo, you! I'm glad you're sharing your story. Sounds like you've made amazing strides, hon. I'm proud to say I 'know' ya. :)

    By Anonymous Chase, At 10:30 PM  

  • Thank you for sharing your story. You're very brave.

    By Blogger suze, At 8:40 AM  

  • Mikey..Thanks so much for sharing your amazing story! I am sooo glad to hear you are doing better now! I can only try to imagine the pain it caused to re-write this! It is going to be a pleasure to get to know you over on Rosschat! Keep your head held high!

    By Blogger ajoebloe, At 11:22 AM  

  • Thank you for sharing your story. I am writing my first blog entry as we speak and I feel very blessed that you have shared. I am hoping that writing a blog will help me get past finding out my hiv status. I just found out. It is so amazing to hear stories like yours. They give me hope.

    By Blogger PozSeattle, At 12:06 PM  

  • Mikey - I'm sure it wasn't easy posting that but thanks for doing so. With HIV, just like breast cancer, prostate cancer, and other diseases, it's so important that people get regular screenings and testings. It's too easy to ignore symptoms as being just another thing about getting older, as you mentioned.

    By Blogger Karl, At 12:30 PM  

  • Wow - this has been a really hard and touching post to read. You are very brave for sharing your story with us. I am happy that your T cell count has gone up, and I hope that it continues. You will be in all of our thoughts and best wishes, Mikey.

    By Anonymous kilax, At 1:17 PM  

  • Hey Mikey, thanks for posting this blog and reminding us that we are FAR from the "End of Aids." It seems to be the goal of this administration to say that we have defeated everything (Iraq, terrorism, AIDS....) and we are so far from the "end". YOUR TRUTH reminds us all that we have to keep testing, keep fighting for research and keep caring for our friends around the globe that are dealing with this as their reality.

    By Blogger Glynis, At 1:53 PM  

  • i love seeing you enjoying life! you teach me so much by your example. and might i add, you look mahvelous dahlin'.


    By Blogger Sizzle, At 3:25 PM  

  • Thank you for sharing your story. It irritates me to no end to see CNN and other new agencies with stories like "The End of AIDS." My uncle has been HIV positive for almost 10 years. I know how difficult it was for him. I am glad to hear that you are living life to its fullest.

    By Blogger Claire, At 3:30 PM  

  • I'm delurking to say THANK YOU.

    Thank you for your courage to share your experiences, and THANK YOU for having the will to survive, so you may continue to touch people's lives.

    fight the fight, my friend... others will follow.

    By Blogger Carrie, At 7:17 PM  

  • Hey Mikey,

    Well, it's one of those killer posts. Thank you. It makes a difference, the more we talk the easier it is to, together, find a way to beat this thing. (To call it "The End of AIDS" however might be a bit premature.)

    I lost a dear friend to AIDS pre-cocktail, when AZT was the newest greatest thing. Back when people wouldn't shake his hand for fear of catching it. We've come a long way... but there is still a long way to go.

    So thank you. Big hugs.

    By Anonymous Nat, At 8:32 PM  

  • Accolades for sharing your story and conveying the importance of awareness and testing.

    Well done bud.


    By Blogger Nocturnal, At 11:53 PM  

  • Oh Mikey.

    All my heart and prayers to you, you BRAVE COURAGEOUS little bastard.

    By Blogger WAT, At 3:05 AM  

  • Mikey, I knew HIV/AIDS was horrible but I didn't realize everything else that comes with it. If being unwell isn't stressful enough, then to add financial stress. It's nice to know there is a foundation to help with medical assistance and glad you were able to benefit from it. Thanks for your story. It's one of the most honest things I have ever read. Hugs!

    By Blogger JAX, At 4:27 AM  

  • hugs! thanx for sharing, it was a powerful powerful read...

    By Blogger *lynne* (azlynne1972), At 7:07 AM  

  • mikey, wow.. *hug* what is thrush through?

    By Blogger Metal Chick, At 8:02 AM  

  • Thank you for the heart felt, honest post. Being honest with ourselves and others can be hard, but I thank you!

    *tons of kisses and hugs*

    By Blogger Party Girl, At 11:24 AM  

  • Keep fighting. You are an inspiration. You definately still (and always keep) your sense of humor Mr. Mel Brooks.

    By Anonymous H.F. Peterman, At 7:06 PM  

  • This is a fascinating story. Since I'm among those who recently found you (and have become addicted to the blog), thanks for putting this aspect of your life out there for us to get to know you.

    What amazes me is how many people think AIDS is under control and not so urgent now. The more positive people who share their stories, the more publicity there is that AIDS is not "over."

    By Blogger Eden, At 8:24 AM  

  • Another great story of thriving against that unimaginable decease. I have experienced a lot of these incidents but it is always a relief to know that another one has made it and is thriving through life again. I do wish you all the best my unknown friend and my thoughts are with you.
    Try to read my blog if you have some time. It might amuse you and give you a small impression of my own experiences.
    All the best


    By Blogger Greek Stories, At 1:45 PM  

  • Great post Mikey! So wonderful to read all these comments too. When we share our stories we remind ourselves and others that we do not have to walk through any part of life alone if we are willing to reach out. I'm so glad that the ORG had some assistance for you, reminding all of use again that our social services both public and private need funding to take care of our most vulnerable citizens.

    By Blogger Miss Bliss, At 11:27 AM  

  • Wow, I was just linked to your blog from another site and I have to say it's a pretty amazing story. I wish you nothing but the best.

    By Blogger Antonio, At 4:09 PM  

  • I thought once the T cells were gone, they didn't come back. This entry has taught me things about HIV/AIDS that I never knew. I'm very happy that life has turned around for you. So what's next?

    By Blogger Cheetarah1980, At 12:25 AM  

  • you know, mikey, when we first met in rosschat, i wondered why you kept referring to your sex-free life. it wasn't until i saw your myspace that i realized why you were abstinent! your story has moved and inspired me, sir mikey! you have shown such courage and grace in facing your illness and you are still one hell of a funny guy! *hugs*

    By Blogger canadiangirl, At 10:28 AM  

  • Mikey,

    Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. I'm glad that you are feeling better and things are going a little bit better for you. I'll have to try to get into Rosschat soon so that I can get to know you better!

    Much Aloha,
    Jeanne (PeptoPrincess)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 4:53 PM  

  • Mikey,
    One of your friends from RossLand here! I just now read your story and I'm reading some more of your posts so I can get to know you better.
    Thank you for sharing such intimate details about your struggles. I know this blog has helped you and I'm sure it will help others, either by gaining understanding or by receiving support from those in this circle. I am sending so many good wishes and positive thoughts your way. I am very fortunate to have crossed paths with you.
    Stay Strong! Live Long!
    Much Love,
    DJ hartldo

    By Blogger hartldo, At 11:37 AM  

  • One of my friends went through this same type of stuff. Luckily his insurance rocked and he qualified for a testing group so he got on meds within 2 months after finding out.

    I wish more people would wake up and smell our futures wasting away.

    - djdavi

    By Blogger David, At 6:34 AM  

  • as everyone before has said, thank you for this story. it's a story we share, and one day i hope to have the strength to tell mine in whole, strength which you have just added to. still a lot of demons, still a lot of anger and pain, still working on this life, still struggling. the reality of our situations is a mindfuck that surpasses just telling a story the one time, it takes us out of the matrix and forces us to face it, right on, every day. that's where i keep finding my strengh, and from the sounds of it, you do, too, dude. rock on.

    By Blogger ninja rad, At 5:20 PM  

  • Mikey -
    I came here bc of the link of your boxers to KFC!! LOL!!!

    OMG!!! I had noooo idea you are/were sick!!! I HAVE so much more love for you now - knowing what you have been through!
    Though you've made me lol on Ross' blog, you've made my heart go out to you in yours.

    I won't share this on Ross' blog, but I was diagnosed with having the Huntington's Disease gene in 2001 (while expecting my 3rd child, and my husband was diagnosed schizophrenia shortly after - OY!)

    The HD gene is passed down, and I had a 50% chance of getting it from my dad. Bad luck, and I can totally empathize with you waiting for and relying on you doctors for results.

    WHAT INSPIRATION about your miracle, though!

    I probably won't be so lucky, as HD is deadly at this time too. However, I am hopeful, because advancements are being made to slow down the progress of degeneration. It British Columbia last year, they 'cured' a mouse with Huntingtons.

    Anyway, this is your blog, but I just wanted to tell you that your story gives me hope...

    AND, BTW - you do look hot in your boxers!
    Jodi (from Ross' blog)

    By Anonymous Jodi, At 6:43 PM  

  • hi mikey , i just read your blog. what a rough introduction to being poz you had - and what a great comeback with your page and blogs.
    wishing you the very best. Julianna

    By Anonymous julianna, At 12:23 AM  


    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 11:50 PM  

  • WOW!! What an amazing story to share with others!! I am so glad that you are being positive about your life now and seem to be doing well. You are most certainly looking VERY healthy I might add. I support your fight with this and am so glad to have "met" you...very inspiring...KEEP THE FAITH!!

    By Anonymous rachelulu, At 5:49 PM  

  • Hi Mikey. I had been out of touch for so long; I have no idea what you've been going through. Im so sorry for that. I am amazed at your strength and braveness by sharing this story to us. I wish there was something we could help you with to make you feel a bit better. I also heard the news that they already have a cure for AIDS, which is very good to hear. I hope you would get that treatment soon and be rid of that illness. I wonder what happened to that guy who lied to you about not having AIDS. Well, he might not have known it at the time either. Hey you take care okay? If there's anything at all that we could do for you (your Ross blog buddies), let us know.

    By Anonymous Martha ishikawa, At 9:37 AM  

  • Keep your head up! very inspiring and moving story.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 11:20 PM  

  • That doesn't sound like any way to live. Keeping yourself alive with AIDS like that sounds like self inflicting torture, just barely holding on to life so you can suffer a little bit longer while you waist away to the point you look like an Ethiopian slum child with a touch of black plague. Holy shit if that were me I would have offed myself at the point of diagnosis so I would at least die with the dignity of a normal body. But of course I would request to have my corpse incinerated so I don't become the next Contagion.
    Fucking sick story dude. You have inspired me to kill my self if I get AIDS. And if any AIDS carriers try to hit on me I'll run for the nearest hazmat suit and torch the walking incubus of viral plaue

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 10:23 PM  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, At 5:51 PM  

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