Poz Mikey

5/23/2006

I Am Not Mother Teresa


Sometimes being to kind hearted and caring about others overwhelms me. I am the first person in line to help you out if it is my capability. Every once in a while the caregiver needs to be cared for. This is the emotion I am dealing with this week.

Once in a while I wish I could say "Fuck You World" but that is not in my nature. Yesterday I read a new acquaintance's blogger friend's posting. I found out that they had cancer once before and the cancer returned and now they need treatment...........again. I was heart broken for this brave blogger.

The other night when I was so tired I wrote the GRRRRRRRRR posting. I so wanted to be in a pair of strong arms that night to feel that I was loved. The truth is I don't think I know what true love is anymore. I know how to love other people unconditional but when is my turn to be loved. I know I have friends that love me like Jules, and Ms.Sizzle and people on the net who I have not met in the flesh. I would like a lovers kind of love. I'd like to be someone's special boyfriend to be loved unconditionally and return that love to him. I feel like I am too old for the younger guys, and too young for the older guys.

A few months ago I took a certain test on line, it put me in the same category as Oprah, Mother Teresa, Ghandi and other great humanitarians. Well I am not Mother Teresa, Oprah, or Ghandi. I feel like I want to be cared for right now. I really hate myself every moment for feeling like I want to be taken cared for right now. I really hate myself for feeling like I am being selfish!! I really hate myself for wanting more out of life then being happy with the life I am now building.

11 Comments:

  • Oh Mikey, I sooooo hear ya, kiddo...and it is NOT selfish to want the things you mentioned. While we might be happy on our own, feeling self-sufficient and have the freedom to do what we want, when with want, and with whomever we want, there is always going to be at least a small part of us that would love the unconditial love you get from a true soulmate. Unfortunately there are times when it's not just a little part of us that wants that...it's our entire being...and it's frustrating when you want it RIGHT NOW and it's not happening. As corny as it sounds, I really do believe that good things come to those who wait...we might not notice them, but they're there. In hindsight I see this is true...just slow down, look around, do appreciate what you've got right now and I double-dog-dare-ya to NOT have some good karma heading your way. Hopefully that karma is attached to a hot bod and a loving soul. {{M}}

    By Anonymous SoCalGal, At 9:16 PM  

  • What you are wanting is what every human wants and deserves - a loving companion to care for you. Don't feel bad for feeling this way. It is meant to be.

    By Anonymous kilax, At 4:52 AM  

  • We all have needs, Mikey. DOn't beat yurself up for wanting the most basic one, love. You deserve it.
    I also can empathize with you right now. I felt about the same way last night. Mine was more of a, why doesn't anyone understand me, moment.

    By Blogger Party Girl, At 6:12 AM  

  • Party Girl is right, you do deserve it. And you will find it. Of that I'm sure.

    By Blogger kapgar, At 7:20 AM  

  • here's what makes me remain (somewhat) sane: the more i become the person i am supposed to be, the more i live the life i want and deserve, the more i love myself with all my insecurities and quirks and flaws and talents- the closer i get to that person who will love me for me.

    you WILL find this person. i know it isn't easy to go to bed alone, to feel like you have so much to offer and no one to give it to. hang in there mikey. some guy is going to be very, very lucky to have you.

    and if he doesn't treat you right i will kick his ass. (i am good at ass kicking, sincerely.)

    xxoo
    sizz

    p.s. come into the office. i have something for you.

    By Blogger Sizzle, At 8:46 AM  

  • what you want isn't selfish, mikey. it's totally natural - we all need to be taken care of, even if we are, by nature, caretakers ourselves.

    i hope you find that person to hold you soon.

    By Blogger suze, At 10:23 AM  

  • Hang in there, Mikey. Your needs and feelings are all warranted. I hope that you will love yourself for wanting to be held etc because you deserve it. You are a very giving person. Take care.

    By Blogger PozSeattle, At 10:24 AM  

  • there is nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of, we all want that except when we grow up... i want my mommy again!

    By Blogger Metal Chick, At 10:27 AM  

  • Mikey..
    I'd give ya a real hug if I could (but I know a hug from a big ole dyke is not exaaaactly what you are lookin for)
    Honey, you have nothing to feel bad for.. I understand how you are feeling, though not to the same extent. As someone dealing with chronic pain, there are days where ya just feel bad for yourself.
    It's not because you are uncaring, or not Mom Theresa..
    It's ok.. there are days when I want my mommy too!
    I feel ya hon.. and it is OK.. no worries..
    peace,
    biscuit

    By Blogger biscuit, At 5:20 PM  

  • Everyone- I do not want my mother. I want to be loved by a lover that will take care of me on my bad days.

    By Blogger Mikey, At 6:08 PM  

  • Hugs to you...

    You feel what you feel... it's ok. (Add what everyone else has already said.)

    Hugs,
    N.

    By Anonymous Nat, At 6:47 PM  

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