Drunk

I wrote this posting last night on paper, now I am writing it electronically.


I wanted to go out dancing lasting and have one or two drinks. I wanted to go out and have and relieve the stress I have been under for the last few days. I left the bar almost in tears. Oh yeah, I ran into a few people I haven't seen for a long time. A few people hit on me that were not my type. My butt is sore from some California bears pinching it. If you look like George "The Animal" Steel with facial hair you are not my type. Mitch (my bosses friend) was also there with one of his friends.

The reason I left almost in tears is I am afraid to have sex. There were some guys at the bar who I would have love to have gotten intimate with, but Chicken Little here didn't. Knowing all the safe sex methods, I so wanted to hit on these guys but I was so afraid of infecting them with the virus.

I do not want anyone to go threw what I have been threw. Why can't I get over this barrier? Am I rushing things a little to fast? Is 18 months of knowing I am positive too soon to have sex. How can I be 100% sure I won't infect someone with the HIV/AIDS virus? After going out and planning to have 1 amaretto sour, I Had 4!!!! So I am going to bed tearful. I am going to allow the alcohol run it's coarse. I will put on my Happy Face tomorrow for all the world to see so they don't see my heart is breaking for the need of some affection.