Screwed And Frustrated

And I don't want the world to see
Because I don't think they understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

From Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

Before writing the main body of this posting I need to thank a few people.

Jules for allowing me to start to go over to her house starting next week to work on the HIV/AIDS site when I am not working.

To Janet from the Ross chat room for lending me an ear to bitch.

To Berry from the Ross chat room for calling me up and trying to save my computer.

To my computer tech you have gone far beyond what was called for so I thank you. I think I just need a new system for my needs. Thank you again.

I feel trapped and isolated by my computer suddenly crashing. I have many friends here on the net who I have met writing in the GBBMC, the Ross chat, and just searching the web for new bloggers. I am frustrated that I cannot see how you are doing from reading your writing. I miss you guys soo much. I am going threw blogger and internet withdraw.

I feel like I am screwed and frustrated at this time. I have tried to be very supportive of my friends on the net and I know you have been supportive of me. I want to thank you all!!!! I just wish I wouldn't have to claw like a tiger all the time just trying to make it in this great big world.

Right now I want to go into a corner and crawl up in a ball and hide from the world. I have to face the fact that nothing will ever come easy for me. Just once I wish I could do something good and not be slapped down to the garbage pit of hell with no way out. Just once I would like to help people without feeling I am penalized in some way for my actions.

So I am asking God, the universe, who or whatever the higher being should be "Will I not be rewarded in this plain of existences? Will my reward have to wait until my passing? Am I too good for this world and by threw my writing and my actions give the people of the world only a glimpse of what this world should really be?

I am not a profit, and I am far from a saint. I am not a religious Icon, nor God, nor an angel. I do not want to be envied nor worshipped placed on a pedestal. I would love for the privilege to perceiver what I have been threw in this world. I would like the privilege to see what I see at work every week. How my heart breaks for every cancer and trichotillimania client my boss helps with their hair pieces. How my heart is broken for one young brave blogger who doesn't know his inner strength. Who needs a bone marrow transplant to rid him of his cancer and I feel doesn't know how much he is loved.

Just once lord or universe I would like to have something nice in my life without it breaking down, being ruined, or being snatched from my clutches. So I just a few more questions for you lord or universe. "Haven't I worked enough on my inner strength and being? Can I now please start working on having few nice monitory things without always being pounded down by life? All I want to do is put out into this world that their our people in this world who care. I feel like my voice has almost been gagged.

I miss my support group and friends on the net, and in Ross chat!! I miss reading your blogs. I can only check my E mail, myspace, writing my post on limited time along with the HIV site. I am screwed and frustrated!!!!!

Footenote:I have something for Wicked Weds. if I can do it from a different computer then mine that crashed.