You Pretend To Create And Observe
There is a part in the Broadway show RENT which goes:
From facing your failure, facing your loneliness facing the fact you live a lie
yes, you live a lie tell you why
you're always preaching not to be numb when that's how you thrive
you pretend to create and observe
when you really detach from feeling alive
Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive
Right now I feel like I'm detach from feeling alive. I create and observe and try to educate, I work, eat, and sleep but right now there are zero emotions. I feel like I'm the above argument. I'm not saying I'm a cold hearted bitch right now but I need to learn how to feel again.
So many negative things have happened to me since I moved to California I might be traumatized closing my heart to everything and everyone. I feel like I'm putting up a false front with everyone so they don't knowing the true me.
I feel like I'm empty almost being in a robotic mode living my life. Going threw my paces but not truly feeling, not knowing what life has in store, not truly living. I will let you know the past 3 and something years have kind of sucked with trauma.
I don't know what it's going to take from me to truly to start to live. For now I'll stay in my robo mode till I can figure out where the next road takes me in life's journey.