Traumatized / Soon To Be Homeless

Isn't it amazing when we look back in life that effects of all our lives. This month two traumatic events popped up for me that changed my life and then I put them in back of my mind. The first was when my mother and I were hit by a car. My mother threw me out of the way of the car or I would have been killed. My brother and myself were forced to live with two of my aunts as my mother recouped from I broken hip. I was pissed at my dad forcing us to live with the aunties!! I just wanted to live in our own house and felt that my dad didn't trust my brother and myself to be by ourselves.

The second was when my mother had a melt down at my grandmother's funeral. She bursted out in tears, crying over my grandmother's casket accusing my grandfather of murdering my grandmother. After that episode, it took me years to be able even to go into the town my grandparents lived. In fact I was so traumatized every time we drove into the town, I would lay my head down in the car so I would have to deal with the emotions I felt on the day of my grandmothers funeral. It took me years to be able to hold my head high in that town. Just a few years ago my mother revealed what an abusive person my grandfather was to everyone in his life including my mother and my aunts.

I maybe homeless at the end of the month unless a miracle happens. You see I've been battling sevear depression, anxiety, and panic attacks for the last 6 months. I've delt with my mother having a heart attack, then double open heart bypass surgery and now her breast cancer. I've also been dealing with my low G. I. issues from having AIDS and been trying to communicate for years to my doctor how bad the lower G.I. effect my life. It's so bad that every time I eat I'm on the toilet 2 to 6 times after I eat in a hour and a half after eating. It took my county nurse to come over to the place I live and see the splashes on the toilet to see how bad the chronic diarrhea really is. It effects my life so bad that I'm afraid to go out of the house unless I know I'm going to a place where a toilet is located. I've also had rectal bleeding during this time period that's why I had the colonoscopy and my doctor finally after years of telling finally got what I've been trying to tell him.

Then in July I've lost my job due to the economic crisis in this country and I've been trying to find a job. I've filled out applications but I couldn't even get a job interview. I've almost given up all hope at this time. The AIDS project has given me enough time in this house but I don't think they even saw the economic crisis we are in now and they are going to put me out on the street to make way for a new client. I'm scared and petrified at this time. So I'm saying to the universe, God, the higher being please help me in my time of crisis!!!