Poz Mikey

2/27/2006

Dating


Where do I begin to start. Ok, I will just bring it out. I am terrified right now of dating. I am so afraid of infecting someone, or even dating someone else who is positive. I know all the forms of safe sex. I have talked to professional consolers about this problem. I am afraid to really put myself out in "The Real Dating World."

I haven't been on a date or been intimate in about four years. I don't know if I really can deal with it right now. It's only been 17 months since I found out I was positive. When I found out I had full blown AIDS and thrush. Finally the thrush is gone, and my viral load is undetectable so I only have HIV.

The reason I am bring this up is that I put my profile on a site for people who are positive. Of the responses I received only two of them are my type. I am so afraid to respond back. I don't know if I am rushing into something I can't handle, or if I am just waiting for my soul mate.

Right now I am having sexual feelings again. I want to go out, be with a partner and have fun. I want to enjoy another mans company. The fear I think is paralyzing me. I know a lot of people who fool around with one night stands and don't tell that partner they are positive. I don't think I could do that to a person.

So I am sitting here contemplating on my ass pondering. When is it the right time for me to start dating again? Maybe I need one night with "Geek Slut" to over cum my fear.

Ok I don't read horoscopes, but this is what my yahoo one said today after writing this post;

Quickie: Sit down and relax doing too many things on the go will leave you ungrounded.

Overview: Get rid of all the white noise that's distracting you from the task at hand. You might actually be paralyzed by fear of success, which is just as common as fear of failure. Acknowledge the fear, and then move past it.

4 Comments:

  • Sorry to hear about your plight.

    Best of luck to you.

    By Blogger Steven, At 10:03 PM  

  • Why not respond to them? You don't have to run out and meet them tomorrow. Take it slow if you want. I think everyone spends too much of their lives being too scared to do something positive for themselves (me included).

    By Blogger Rabbit, At 6:18 AM  

  • I agree with Rabbit. Just respond. Start up a friendship via e-mail or chatroom and just see where it goes. If it develops into something else, you will at least know the person a bit better.

    By Anonymous Kevin, At 6:35 AM  

  • I think you just need to get back out there. Dating is scary regardless of your situation. I think by simply getting yourself out there and meeting new people it will all become clear to you.

    Besides, my triple dog dare for the week is to do something that scares the hell out of you. Think of it as a sign!

    By Blogger Party Girl, At 8:27 AM  

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