Giving Up and Congrats to Jules

I think with all the frustration, health issues, and other issues. I have given up on trying to stay at the house where I live. I really do like my place, but circumstances are forcing me to leave this big, beautiful, Victorian house. I could be out on the streets, I may, or may not find a friend to stay with. I should just accept the universe doesn't want me here. If it did I would have received the breaks I needed to stay in this home. So as they said in Moulin Rouge "Come What May." I place myself at the universe's wants and desires. I just wished it would give me a hint of where I'm suppose to be in this world. Am I scared of what's going to happen to me in January? More then a little, petrified comes to mind. Do I believe in miracles? Yes I do for other people, but not for myself. As I told my best friend "I am so good at helping other people. Why can't I help myself like I do for them." I'm sorry this is a depressing blog on the day of Christmas eve. Will a Christmas miracle happen for me? I don't know? What I do know is that two friends want to stop by tomorrow to see me. Matthew the "Why can't I quit you!(my ex) may or may not stop by and treat me to see a movie" Yes I still have feelings for him, but I know in my heart and soul we will never be a couple again. His car broke down on the way to Santa Cruz Friday so his finances might be too tight. So tomorrow I will let you know if that Christmas miracle I needed happened. A personnel note to Jules. Congrats girl for being published on the Santa Cruz Sentinel main web site under Styles. Her name was used on their web site for her review of "Brokeback Mountain." I want to run out in the world naked to get everyones attention, and shout out loud how proud I am of you.