The Great Pineapple Delight Mini Marshmallow Hunt At Safeway (Happy Easter)

Every year on Easter my mother would make us a treat she called "Pineapple Delight." recipe as follows:

1 Large Can Crushed Pineapple (Drained)
1 Container of Cool Whip
1 Bag of Mini Marshmallows

Mix together the night before and store in fridge so ingredients get the pineapple taste. So I was going to make everyone in the house Easter dinner, I'd surprise them with my mother's tasty treat.

So off to Safeway I rushed to do some grocery shopping. I found my crushed pineapple in the canned fruit section. I found my Cool Whip in the frozen food section. Now for the mini marshmallows. Where would I find them ?

Let's see, marshmallows expand when they get wet with pineapple juice. What was that product in all those commercials on T.V. I saw that expanded when they get wet? Hmmm What was it? Oh yes Tampons. Tampons are like marshmallows when they get wet. I'll go there to see if I can find my prize in that isle. So I get to that isle. Shampoo, soap, pit baum, Oh there they are, Tampons. Mini, Maxi, ones with wings, others without, heavy duty and lightweight flow days (Whatever that means? PLEEEEASE don't tell me.) Damn, no mini marshmallows where are they?

Ok, people get the muchies when they drink beer (BTW I HATE). marshmallows are snack food I'll try the beer isle. To my dismay all I find hanging there are chips, peanuts, pretzels and beef jerky. Damn again no mini marshmallows.

Ok I had fluffernutters (a peanut butter and whipped marshmallow sandwich) when I was a kid. I'll try the peanut butter isle. So I get to that isle, I find all types of jellies and jams. I find the peanut butter. Chunky, smooth, creamy peanut butter, Hey, there is the whipped marshmallow. Wait a minute, where are the mini's at? So I search again for 5 minutes no sign of the mini's. No mini's!!

The candy isle I tried next, to no avail no marshmallows. I resisted buying the sour gummy worms I love so much and all the other snacks I enjoy. So for the next 20 minutes I stroll up and down the isles. Not in cleaning supplies, not in the soda isle, no they aren't going to be in the meat section either.

So finally I come to the baking isle. Why would they be there but I'll try. Ok I see the flour, sugar, spices, shredded cocoanut, baking chocolate, large marshmallows. Stop, wait a minute large marshmallows the mini must be here. I looked down where the minis are supposed to be "Damn the shelf is empty!!!" Ok don't get upset get down and look to see if there is a bag that your not seeing. I bend down and looked, to my surprise I find three bags of all the same brand minis on the shelf. I grabbed one greedily and then I did the Pee Wee Herman Big Shoe dance right there in the middle of the isle. "I have my mini's, I have my mini's" I screamed for all the store to hear. I come down from my emotional high and I looked at the bag "Generic! Generic! Shit, I wanted Jet Puffed !!"