No Christmas this Year

This is the time of year where you see lots of people shopping for gifts in the malls, or in the stores of your local towns. They are laughing, chatting, giggling having a good time. Drinking their four dollar coffee from a coffee house and their kids drinking hot chocolate. Trying to find that one last gift for that one person on their list who is so hard to buy for, I envy them. Being in the situation I'm in, I'm not celebrating Christmas this year. Money non-existent, bills over due, landlord problems. Someone asked me today how can you can get out of bed in your mental state. What you are telling me most people wouldn't even be able to cope with physically or mentally. I said I just do it! With no partner in my life who's going to take care of the things that need to be handled, I'm the one who has to deal with the issues. Even going out for an hour or two can be challenging. Yes I am in not the best mental state right now. Yes I'm looking for that one break to turn my life around for the better. I learned from house sitting it's great not to deal with and being Hiv+ 24-7. Don't get me wrong I love the house where I live. So my friends unless I win the Polar Express give away, Publisher Clearing House Sweepstakes, or the lottery Christmas will be just another day for this man. I will feel very guilty if someone buys me a present and I can not reciprocate. Do I deserve presents? Maybe, but I still would feel guilty that's the way I am.