Three Year Survivor

Today was the day three years ago I found out I had HIV/AIDS. I'm going threw a little depression right now. It's all right and I'll know I'll survive this mood. Yes due to the newest HAART drugs I'm a three year survivor.


I'm a stronger person since I found out I have this disease. If I didn't take these drugs I'd be dead now. Unlike when AIDS first hit this country and doctors couldn't even identify AIDS. We have come along way in treating HIV/AIDS.


Back in the 80's it was called the gay cancer and later GRID. GRID stood for Gay Related Immuno Deficiency for everyone thought only gay people could get HIV/AIDS. Later Haitians and IV drug users started getting HIV/AIDS.


I remember some awful puns and jokes in the 80's about HIV/AIDS. One was.....


"What do you call a gay man in a wheel chair?"



Answer "RollAIDS!!"


There was another pun stating you were totally screwed if you were a Haitian, gay, IV drug user.


So much has progress since the 1980's. In the 1990's they found that AZT combated this disease. What the doctors didn't know was it would only work for a few months alone and needed to have other drugs to stay effective or it would stop working.


What I find sad living with this disease is we are slipping into the 80's attitude towards HIV/AIDS. Most young people feel that it is something they can live with for the newer drugs work so well. I also find it sad that the younger HIV/AIDS survivors don't even know who was Ryan White.


Today anyone living with HIV/AIDS some how get benefits from the Ryan White act. Ryan showed the world not only gay people and IV drug users could get AIDS but anyone could get HIV/AIDS.


I just would like to see more done in this country and around the world to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS. Now more then ever we need better education. There needs to be a world wide needle exchange for IV drug users. Greater assistance for people living with HIV/AIDS in this country and around the world. We need to get more advertisement to bring HIV/AIDS again to the forefront of the public mind.


So today I'm going to allow myself to be a little bit down. I have also learned that I have built strong barriers around this heart. I truly hold a lot of emotions in and need to take a good look at myself and see what's in store and what I want out of life on this three year anniversary.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to passs
even years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost

wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends
like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast

wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends"

Greenday

Well tomorrow will be my three anniversary of when I found out I was positive. I've been trying to strive to keep up my health and learn how to live again. So many of us in this life walk with blinders not appreciating what we have in life.

Like so many other people, I have my days where I just want to crawl in bed hiding from this world. I know I'll have my good and bad days but they aren't nearly as bad as three years ago at this time. Most of you know my story of how I found out I was positive. If you don't I have a link to it on my side bar and my page on MySpace.

Some how going threw the traumatic experiences I have the last few years, I've still managed to keep my sense of humor. Three years ago I didn't want to wake up till September ended and the months after also ended.

This year September wasn't an all that great month. I've had a little bit of health issues and there is issues at work that need to be handled. Most of the issues at work are not in my hands but I still can voice my opinion.

I'm no angel or saint. I'm striving to be the best person I can living with HIV/AIDS. One of the things I love about myself now is I let the inner wild child out a lot of times. I'm not afraid to have fun or what others think of me even times I might get pissed at their attitudes, perception, and beliefs in who I am as a person. I have to be myself and deal with all that is, no matter how they perceive me.

Wake me up when September ends? Sure times I feel like that way. We all have our bad periods in life. Mine just always seems to start in the month of September. Believe or not I giggled to myself writing that line.

It's been a long up hill struggle the last three years. Keeping up my CD4 cells up and my viral load down trying to survive in this big grand world. I still have hopes, dreams, wants and desires like every other person. I want to be happy and still have the American Dream even if I'm living with HIV/AIDS.

House Sitting and The King

Right now I'm posting from the salon owners house and from her computer. I miss my own desktop, cam, and mic. For the next four days, I'm working, house and pet sitting. The salon owner's dog is a King Charles Cavalier. I swear this king is a queen. Yes I know now there are two queens in the same house.

So tomorrow I'm working then after work I owe the esthetician a massage. I was having one of my not so great days from the meds. I also was having trouble with the heat in the salon too. So our new little cute esthetician gave me a facial to feel better yesterday.

Can I tell you bloggers something? If I didn't work with this dude I would soo ask him out on a date. Thank god I'm professional when I do massage and know my boundaries. So tomorrow night, I'll behave myself but my hormones will say go for it dude!!

No Slowing Down

My world is not allowing me to slow down. My doctor last week advise me to slow down but that's not going to happen sometime in the middle of October. You see I have some big comments the next few weeks.

The end of this week is hectic and so is all of next week and the following week. This week besides my regular work, I will be house sitting and doggy sitting till Sunday. The salon owner is going on her yearly family camping trip and asked to to watch her place. Should I post or do anything on the computer it will be from her computer.

This coming Sunday will be the three year anniversary of when I found out I was positive. I'd like to do something special for myself on this date but not sure if I'll have the funds due to having rent to pay this Monday. I need to turn this one day from something so negative into a joyous celebration of life and of being me becoming a much stronger person.

All next week the salon will be participating in the National Trichotillomania salon week. We will be offering a safe environment for people suffering from Trich to have services rendered in a non judgmental environment.

Saturday this last day of Trich salon week is my birthday. Yes October 6 this blogger will become a 45 year old fart. My dream was to go skydiving or do something outrageous but as usual funds. life and commitments have put a damper on that dream for the time being.

Before the kidney flair up, I promised a former co work that I would paint the outside of her house. I going ti try to get around to doing this commitment the first part of the week after my birthday. I love this person and I can not let her or her sister down. Her sister is having worse health issues then me. When I make a commitment I do my best to fulfill that commitment

Oh I also have to renew my A. D.A.P and my other benefits during the first week of October. I will not be able to slow down till the middle of the month. I also have a dentist appointment and maybe a doctors visit thrown in here. Sometime during this time period I will have to find time for myself. I have a lot on my plate the next few weeks!

Feeling Better.....But

I have been feeling better everyday now. My kidneys are clearing up rather nicely. I still have a few issues going on in my body. The first is I'm always tired and my world right now isn't allowing me to live at a slower pace. I did ask my boss and the salon owner to pull more weight so I could have less chores around the salon.

The second is my sinuses are still jacked. I hope the doctor does something week like give me antibiotics. It's a pain waking up every hour at night and not being able to breath. So I'm playing the waiting game right now with him.

Kidneys, Sinuses, Labs

Today I went to the doctor today and I do have a kidney infection. He gave me these pills which are going to turn my urine gold and orange. Now I really can follow the golden stream.

Most of you don't know I have been having lots of problems with my sinuses. My doctor think I may have a chronic sinus infection and I had to get x-rayed today. My sinuses wake me up in the middle of the night and sometimes it feels like I'm choking on my phlegm. Well I'll see what he had to say about this problem.

My labs were good this visit. My viral load was again undetectable and my viral load dropped 35 points to 505. My doctor said that drop was nothing to worry about that your T-cells can fluctuate that much minute by minute.

Oh btw I also lost seven pounds. I talked to my doctor about my lack of energy. He stated people living with HIV/AIDS can over exert themselves to the point where they become fatigued and it may take a few weeks to pounce back to normal. In fact, I had to laugh for he was dealing with the same issue. He told me I had to slow my pace down.

OMG Someone Photo Shopped This Pic (So Wrong)

I Couldn't Fix It

There must have been a shift in the universal energy this week. OMG it was just one thing after another this week at work. So many things were happening in peoples personals lives at the salon and I couldn't do one damn thing to fix anything of what was happening.

I'll just say it was the week from hell. I felt frustrated (and so did the boss) and both of us just wanted to say fuck it and walk out for good. Nether of us has had a week like this in ages. I guess my friends you already know I take care of the salon and my boss. You also know I'm a very caring and giving person.

What you don't know is I try to help and care for everyone else at the salon. I have to learn I'm not Superman and I can't fix the world on person at a time. I'm so emotionally and physically drained this morning. I also had a few melt downs this week Thursday night and Friday morning I just wanted to yell at the universe "Give me a break this week!!!" The term "Ripping people new assholes" also came to mind a few times this week.

Two Crappy Days

The last two days have been really crappy for me.

So here's the load down of what's happening...

Yesterday

• Woke up yesterday not feeling like myself.

• 8:30-Dentist appointment where she had to cut my gum a little to fill a cavity near my gum line. I was swallowing small amounts of blood all day.

• 10:00- House meeting where there is always some type of drama.

• 2:00- Met with county case worker and what she told me were things I didn't want to here but knew. I'm to healthy to get disability and don't make enough to get a place on my own.

• 5:00- Urine started to burn went I went to the bathroom.

Today

• Woke up feeling like shit.

• Urine burned all day.

• I can't get into see my doctor till Tuesday.

• Throat started getting sore and I'm hoping it's not thrush again.

• 12:15 Boss gets a call saying his mother was in hospital and having surgery tomorrow.

• Dealt with high maintenance clients all day.

I feel like crap right now!!

9/11

You Add The Caption

Special Shoutouts go to ChicagoSandy, Outatune and her hubby for making this pic possible.

My World Right Now

The Big Bruddah

This is my new bodyboard. I saw the prices online and nearly fainted. I think I got a steal or it was priced wrong.

The Wipe Out

Yesterday I was boogie boarding at my favorite spot here in Santa Cruz. I so shouldn't have gone. The beach was filled with tourist and children and get in the way of the locals having fun. Well I suited up and strapped my board to my back and was off to have fun.

The first wave I caught on my board was great. The waves were half way decent and just right for boarding. I caught two or three more waves. When I was on my next wave that's when disaster struck. There was a little girl who's back was to me. Instead of running her down with my board, or bailing out cause it was too late I snapped my hand out to get her out of the way.

When doing so, I snapped my leash and I slightly jammed my right wrist. I don't think my leash can be replaced on my board. So today I'm going to invest in a better board and I already have a better leash. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to have a kind heart.

OMG This Is Too Funny