Crash and Burn

My PC crashed last night. So I maybe down for awhile. This is not an April fools joke. Mikey

Three Disparate Men

Can we say "Size Queens"

He Did Not Kill A Cop, Really (well almost)

So, today I am breaking down to pressure and telling you the major drama I had on Monday. Some of the names will be changed to protect the innocent (except mine). So here it goes for all those bloggers.

When I was living in my old HIV/AIDS support house I was asked to take in Jose for a few weeks before we both moved together into our new home. So me being so kind hearted and not wanting to be alone in a big ass Victorian house by myself I said I would. While we lived there Jose went threw everything cleaning for he had O.C.D.

While he cleaned, things of mine disappeared. My cleaning supplies, my bathroom toiletries, my food well you get the drift. I told him nicely please don't touch my stuff. He didn't know what was mine and what was left there by former tenants.

So as of February first, we moved into our newly, beautiful renovated home. His room was right across the hallway from mine. While I was moving I found out later he stole more items from my moving boxes.

Everything went well for a week or two. When Jill and Bob moved in with the baby and puppy they noticed their food was disappearing. Jose would also water down the dish detergent, and he started washing the dishes with bleach.

We all felt we were living under the thumb of Jose. We couldn't do anything without having him touch, rearrange, or destroy and ruin it in some way. So Jill had signed up for internet service with the local cable company. The repair man came out and found feedback from one of the cable lines. The feedback was coming from the line in Jose's room. Jill and myself went in there with the repairman, then Jill saw things that were given to her from this past Christmas by friends and relatives. She also found out he stole her baby wash from the bathroom. How low is that!!!

Wanting to confront Jose, we called the owners of the house to have a house meeting. Needless to say Jose blew it off. This aggravated me even more. Jill, Bob, Justin (aka church mouse for he is so quite) started to write on things. Do not touch, do not water down, it just seemed that was his is his and what is ours is his.

Then Sunday morning Jose got into a confrontation with our gardener. This started the following chain of events. I was angry with Jose, it was all right for him to be angry with someone who did him wrong, but we were not suppose to say a word about his actions.

Later on Sunday, I went to turn on the dishwasher finding out he watered down the Cascade for his own personal use. More anger was building inside me. The last straw for me was when I went to the laundry room to find my new bike placed against church mouse's that could have scratched the hell out of both bikes.

I informed Jill I was tired of his bullshit. I was going to confront him. He had to go somewhere so I had to wait until Jose came home. Hearing him walk in I said we need to talk. Then I really lost my temper shouting at him (which I rarely do) about all the things we found in his room and the other bullshit the roomies hated.

I become vindictive from the things that he stole from the old house and the things he was doing in the new house. I went as far to say everyone in the house hated him. He started to patting my chin being conescending. I told him don't touch me. Now he was really being psychotic from being called out. The next thing I know I am laying flat on my back on my bed from him pushing me. I told him "Get out of my room you freak." I guess you could consider that assaulted. I also found out he was high and I spoiled his high.

While this was going on Bob and his family were taking a nice stroll on the beach, and church mouse was hiding in his room. When Bob and the family walked in the backyard gate. Jose jumped all over them yelling and screaming. Bob confused asking him what the hell are you talking about. Then yelling how I jumped all over him and the three of us were in another argument with Jill putting in her moneys worth.

The way he was acting, church mouse had to call 911 fearing for all our lives. With the police showing up by the time everything calmed, they left. Jose started to act more strangly. Packing his shit up, throwing away things like a futon which Jill and Bob gave him. The T.V. for his room that they gave him so he wouldn't be bored. He was really weird, every time we came out of our rooms we locked our doors. Which now brings me to Monday aka judgment day.

About 9:00 o'clock I hear Jill, Bob and Jose going into round three of a shouting matches. After a few minutes Jill took Jose into his room to work everything out. Bob tells me "Dude you see all the drama you caused. You need to work out your issues with him." I told Bob I would as soon as Jill was done. They came out of the room about 9:30, I told Jose I wanted to work everything out calmly ASAP due to me having appointments at 11:00 and 1:00.

Jose and I talked and work out our differences and it's about 10:25. I said if there is more he wants to talk to me about we can do it when I get home. So I get ready and go to my appointment. To me the meeting went really well for everyone present. Coming out I see Justin sitting there and I say"Hey what's up?" He asked me "Were you at the house when the police came busting in like storm troopers from Star Wars?" No I have been here since about 10:50 for a meeting.

So Justin informs me (for he was out of the house) that the police ran a check on Jose after he called them with Jose's last name Monday morning for we didn't know what his last name was at the time they showed up on Sunday.

Bob gets a phone call on his cell telling him to get everyone out of the house quietly that they are about ready to storm the house for there is a very dangerous and violent man in there living. Me and Justin were already out (I not knowing this was all going down from being at the meeting.) Bob calls to Jill to bring the keys, the baby, and the puppy. Jill yells back "I will in a few minutes." Bob yells back"Now Jill." Hearing something wrong in Bob's voice Jill rushed out of the house.

Outside they find a calvalcade of policemen waiting to rush them to safety behind the closest vehicle. Our street is barricade off, the neighbors out watch this barrage of terror happening in front of their homes.

An Officer asked Bob if Jose was in the house. Bob said no he wasn't that he had no idea where Jose had gone. The policeman didn't believe Bob. They surrounded our house waiting to pounce on their victim like an eagle swooping in for it's pry.

They broke the lattice work of our neighbors fence right outside his window wanting to get a beaded head shot should he try to escape out of his room window. So with Bob, Jill, the baby, and puppy watching all this from behind a truck. The police stalked quietly to Jose's room. Kicking in his door like the do on all police shows breaking the door frame armed with their AK 47s and oozies. They were dressed in full S.W.A.T. gear (without the S.W.A.T. logo) knowing not what they would find when they entered.

Finding that Jose isn't at the house they refuse to let Bob and his family back into the house. So they went off searching for him hoping to get a glimpse of where he was so they could call 911 and have him arrested. They also told Bob that if he shows up at the house to lock themselves and whoever is in the house in a room and call 911 when they were allowed back into the house. They must have been off their rocker. None of us wanted to be here when he saw his door frame broken and the heel mark on his door.

Mean while Justin and me our thinking what the fuck has gone down. I am in tears thinking I ruined everyone's life from simply confronting this man with his bullshit. Justin is in a state of shock as we all were.

It's now about 1:00 (I was too stressed out to make my appointment) and it's pouring down rain. Not having eaten all day we were now coming out of shock getting hungry. We go our separate ways to get a bite to eat. I come back to the meeting place now about 2:00 I say to myself "What the fuck I am going home." So I peddle my ass home not knowing what I would find.

I see the heel mark and the broken door frame. I hear a noise and someone coming in the front door. Freaking out now thinking it is Jose. Finding out that it was Bob coming into the house to get a bottle for the baby. We talked about how none of us want to be there when he arrives home. He also told me that they have been circling the block just waiting for the bastard to get home.

I then asked Bob to drive me to the local mall so I can walk to Jules and plead with her and Remy to stay on their couch for the night fearing for my life. Bob tells me their family can stay at a friends house. I know Justin could also stay at a friend's house.

Knowing that Jules sons get home between 3 and 4 from school, I arrived at Jules front door soaked to the bone pounding to see if the boys are home. No one answers the door. I need to get out of the rain fearing I would catch a cold. Knowing getting a cold could be devastating for me having HIV.

So knowing I need to get out of the rain, I walk into Jules and Remy's garage to keep myself dry. Then I hear Jules son Mouse (not to be confused with church mouse) pounding on the door for his brother to open it so he could get out of the house. I tell Mouse about the major drama at the house and I want to ask his mom and dad if I can stay the night.

Early that morning, Mouse gave his house key to his younger brother thinking he would be home before him. We are both locked out now from Jules house. Mouse breaks in the second floor window and tries to find the house key to allow me to get in the house. He can't find it so I have to wait in the garage.

Now I am in the garage for at least two hours Jules calls Mouse on her way home from work their conversation went something like this.

Mouse: Hi mom, my brother is not home. I am locked in the house. Mikey is here in the garage locked out. He said something like a cop was killed, and oh yeah, don't forget the Cheese It's". So Mouse calls me out of the garage holding the phone to the screen I tell Jules what transpired.

Jules arrives at the house already informing Remy what happened they allow me to stay the night. She unlocks the door and ahhh I think warmth and puppies. Yes Jules had two dogs which are my buddies.

Talking to Jules and telling her about the past few hours events I realize I forgot my meds. Having gotten Jill and Bob's cell phone number, I call them up to see if anything else had happened. They tell me that everyone is going to stay the night in the house and Bob is on Jose watch. I tell them I am staying the night at Jules fearing for my life do to starting the events, plus my bedroom window being right inside the backyard gate. If he tried to break into the house it would be threw my bedroom window. I also tell them we are stopping by to get my meds.

I drive over to the house, Jules is in the passenger seat jamming out to the music from "Georgia" and Solonor's new C.D. I drive by the house slowly not being able to finding a parking space. I park the car and Jill opens the front door for me. Bob saw the car driving slowly by the house thinking it was Jose.

Now for about the warrants. Jose has an outstanding warrant for nearly killing a cop down in southern California. He was in possessions of a weapon. The policeman pulled his gun on him. They had a struggle and the policeman's gun went off two inches from the policeman's head. He also has outstanding warrants here in Santa Cruz for possession of deadly weapons. He did not kill a cop (well he almost did.)

I can't blame the owners of the house for placing him here. Jose we found out four or five alias's so when they did the background check nothing showed up. That is also how he avoided the police for so long.

We are all safe here now and the locks have been changed. As far as we know Jose is still on the run and we are not sure if he will show up again wanting his things. We still are some what fearful for our safety but the house bonded even more. Jill said to me "Mikey for a short guy you really have a lot of balls."(No Jules that wasn't a joke like the one about me being raped.)

So Tuesday all the house mates go to his room to get back our belongings with permission from the owner. We found out he was smoking crack and meth in the house. We did suspect he was using but had no way of proving it. He would cover up his use by dousing himself heavily with cologne. The meth pipe was thrown out and the owners of the house have the crack pipes. My house is a clean and sober house so if we want to drink or whatever it needs to be out of the house. This also explains much of his behavior.

Wicked Wednesday

I am starting something new on my blog today. Taking cues from such postings as Mug shot Mondays, half naked Thursday, and what the fuck Fridays. I am going to do mine on hump day. Enjoy.

W.W. 1- The locksmith I saw today locking himself out of a building he was working on and not being able to get back in.

W.W. 2-The little old lady I saw blocking a major street with her car to get out of a parking lot then turning onto a side street she could have gone onto from the other entrance of the parking lot.

W.W. 3- Mouse getting locked in his own house and me being locked out having to stay in the garage for two hours so not to get rained on.

W.W. 4-Me doing weird shit like twice I called people when they were about to call me. Once reading a friend's blog this week and commenting the same time she was reading and commenting on mine.

Welcome To The Transamerica Salon Part 2

Before I start I want to say everyone in the house is safe. According to Jules a cop was killed which is totally untrue. This is for WAT. If I wrote a screen play of my life, or even the last two years . No one would believe me. I will say one of the roommates no longer live here.

So where was I, oh yes

Marion: "Mikey the next client is here"

Due to wanting to get to Friday I will just say the rest of the day was hectic. I double booked my boss with his permission which turned out to be a triple booking for he ran behind with a hair piece client That followed Ms. Rhea. Plus we had a lot of shipments come in to our inventory.

Friday morning my boss tells to be in at 9:30 am so we can both do our hair. The first appointment was due in at 11:30. Dr. Hot Stuff never showed the night before. So we are getting ready to bleach my hair. Buzz

Marion: "Mikey Dr. H.S. Is here for his appointment!" I just knew he was going to do that.
So my boss finishes with Dr. H.S. Trust me a chiseled jaw therapist I think he would have done much better being a proctologist.

So the first transgender comes in after Dr. Hot Stuff. She is a lovely women with not the greatest looks, but has a heart of gold. She is with my boss for about two hours and leaves. Now for the second tranny.

This was the first time I have ever met this client. Back in November she had her sexual re-orientation surgery. I'll call her Naomi. Well Naomi told us that her surgeon during the pre-consultation told her "Well I have a lot to work with. I won't have to give you any skin grafts and should be able to give you a 6 inch vagina cavity." Whoa too much info girlfriend I thought.

Naomi then told us she had to stay in the hospital for 10 days and dilate herself 4 times a day. Sorry dear do you know your telling this to your hair stylist? Yeah she even went as far to tell us it was time to dilate when they were on route 66. She had to climb in the back of their S.U.V. as her partner drove and really got her kicks on Route 66.

She had a lot of problems with her post surgery. A dog headed her in the crouch. The skin didn't stop healing so she had to put silver nitrate on the ridge of her vagina to stop the skin from closing. She was out of town with her significant other, they were in a car accident and some of the stitches ripped out. Naomi was rushed to the local area hospital for her new vagina was bleeding. The local doctors looked at it and said " What the fuck is that!! I was so sick to my stomach that day I didn't eat till late that night. This is only a PG 13 rating of Naomi's story of her sex change. Should I have gone into the more graphic details like she did, no one would ever read my blog again.

They say that plagiarism is the most sincerest from of flattery. I am going to do this today. Ms. Sizzle asked all her friends and fellow bloggers to take a test to see how they perceived her. Today I am going to ask my readers today to do the same thing with the same test. Click here to take the test. It is only six answers long.

Drama

There has been some major drama at the house I live at right now. I can not tell you what happen but I promise to finish my Transamerican posting in the next day or two. Mikey

Welcome To The Transamerica Salon Part 1 Thursday (part 1)

So I told you Thursday and Friday were the days from hell at work. First let me give you the rundown of the week. Monday was the house meeting in which the person who really needed to be there didn't show up (down pissed off day). Tuesday my boss calls me up and gives me a non-portable massage table (I'm certified in Swedish massage) which needs a little work on the legs (up day). Wednesday I watched the movie "RENT" which hit to close to home in a few parts (down teary eyed day). Which now brings me to Thursday.

Thursdays I always go in early to clean my bosses room for the upcoming three days. When unlocking the door I find the room in complete disarray. It looked like something from a Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton movie in which even Dorothy would not have survived. I checked the appointment book, first client is at 1:30, it looks as if our 12:30 appointment was erased aka cancelled. Boss calls me up at 11:30 and asks when he has to get to the salon. I inform him it looks like our 12:30 cancelled and it's at 1:30. He tells me"Ok Mikey, I'll still be in about 12:30 to clear with you for what we need to do the next few days. We always go over the client appointment book to make sure all supplies and hair pieces are ready for the natural hair, and the unnatural hair clients.

So I am taking my time cleaning the room thinking kewl I have plenty of time to do my normal Thursday morning duties.

12:20: Marion the receptionist buzz's the room " Mikey, Ms. Rhea is here for her appointment." She always gets a wash and set every week but usually early on Friday mornings. So now I am cursing expletives left and right having just told my boss his first appointment was at 1:30 less then an hour ago. I go to the lobby to inform her that my boss hasn't arrived yet that he his due in shortly offering her water, tea or coffee (part of my job as his personal assistant.) Marion informs me as I'm doing this that my boss is outside talking to one of the other stylist. Thank you god!!!

So walking back to our room, I apologize to my boss for my mistake. We get ready for Ms. Rhea and call her back. I go over to another station and confirm all the appointments for Friday while he is washing Ms. Rhea's hair. I call a client up to confirm his appointment. He is known as Doctor Hot Stuff (woof). He asks if he can change his appointment from 10 Friday morning to later Thursday night. "Sure I say, my boss is open between 4:30 to 6:00 (this comes into play later.)" "I'll take the 4:30 due to I am flying out of the area Friday" says Doctor H.S.

I now have everyone setup for Friday. Walking into the room I hear my boss and Ms. Rhea talking something maybe about drag queens, scratch that, it was about scrungies. So Mikey (I know Ms. Sizzle third person) makes an off colored remark made by the Kinsey Sicks in "Oy Vey In A Manger" about scrungies. (You'll have to click on link and watch the trailer video to find out exactly what I said (hint foreskin it starts 3 minutes into trailer.) Now my boss is giving me the look of death like he just can't believe I said what I said. Working for him for three months most of his clients have a wonderful sense of humor even the L.O.L.s (little old ladies like Ms. Rhea is.) I knew I did something wrong by his look and I am sure to find out later. I rush out of the room doing my other business. My boss finishes with Ms. Rhea calling me into his room. "Usually the joke you made wouldn't have offended most of my clientele. You just told a foreskin scrungie joke to a very, VERY, devout catholic who sews tunics for Priests." saying my Boss. Buzz

Marion: "Mikey the next client is here."

To be continued

Wild Work Days

There is something in the air the past two days at work. Things have unraveled, plus the things I herd. All I am going to say right now is Grrrr and get me to a bathroom so I don't puke and laugh at the same time. Hint Transgender operation and post operation care with way toooooooooo much information!!! Stay tuned.

Love This Ad

From the Santa Cruz "Good Times" page 45

Rent

So last night Mikey watched "Rent." Jill and Bob ordered it from Netflix and Mikey borrowed shutting out the world for the night. After watching the germaphob giving away money, watching Bill Gates leave another show and watching a hottie try to win more money. I slipped the DVD into my computer to watch this movie.

Mikey gives it three tissues for that's how many times tears were streaming down my face. Yes I am a hopeless romantic and a few times this musical hit a little too close to home. It reminded of people who I have known in the past. It reminded me of when I first found out I was positive searching desperately for a support group unable to find one . The three roomies that died last year from HIV.

Could Mikey become a "Rent Head?" Let's just give that one time, Mikey would like to see the stage version first before making that decision. I did like the music and Chris Columbus did a ok job in directing the film. Was it the best film I have ever seen? Not by a long shot but it was worth watching. One of the few subtle things I liked was one character had a pager to take their AZT. Most people don't know this but people in the HIV club need to take their meds about the same time everyday for the meds to be effective.

More Meme's

4 guilty pleasure shows I watch;
1: The Surreal Life on Vh1
2:The 4400 on USA
3:The Amazing Race on CBS
4: Battlestar Galactica on Scifi

4 Comfort foods I enjoy;
1: Coffee
2: Chocolate
3: Brownies
4: Cheesecake (New York style)

4 Jobs I have had in my life;
1: Male Stripper
2: Gymnastics coach
3: Office manager
4: Dishwasher

4 songs I could listen to all the time since I like songs not groups
1: Like A Prayer-Madonna
2: Believe-Cher
3: Better Off Alone-Alice Deejay
4: If-Janet Jackson (Hot Video)

4 People who tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies, tell me lies (Anyone catch that one)
1: President Bush
2: Donald Rumsfeld
3: Pat Robertson
4: Jerry Falwell

4 Things I can not stand;
1: people who put on too much cologne and perfume that it takes your breath away
2: Black Licorice
3: Mariah Carey
4: Most Rap music

4 things people don't know about me
1: Closet case gay porno fan
2: have a few long stray hairs on my lower back you could braid into a rat tail
3: junk food junky
4: Should drink more water (BTW happy World Water day)
4+1: Queen of the links (hahahahaha)

Footnote:While looking for picture from the Janet Jackson "If" video I came across this one

Mikey's Emotions

Mikey's emotions have been like a rollercoaster the last few days. I am not sure if it's from the meds.

Hello Bill Clinton

Another one from "Jokes and Funny Pictures"

House Meeting

Well yesterday we had our first house meeting. We met with the new Ms. Woman and went over some of the needs for the house. She seems like she is going to be very good at her job once she settles into her routine.

Now for the ugly part, the one person who everyone seems to be having problems with decided they weren't going to show up. Calling the house phone when the meeting is about to start saying "Please tell Ms. Woman I can't make it there to the house for the meeting." By not showing up, this person stirred up the already boiling juices of raging anger even more. The only thing I will say is things have been disappearing more then food items from the house and Mikey is now on the war path to hell.

When we have the next meeting to confront this person (Should the person show), Mikey will be wielding his flaming tomahawk from hell. I have reached my breaking point, the last straw has been snapped, the last gay nerve has been plucked!!! I am a VERY patient person but don't unleash the mutant queen from hell for she shall burn thy ass to cinders. It's been quite awhile since I had a good argument to get the blood flowing for I am ready for a good confrontation.

Boundaries have been breached, O.C.D. seems now a red herring for a different motives. That bell in which you hear tolling, it tolls for thee my roommate.

You've Come Along Way Hugo

I have been debating with the myself weather or not I wanted to see V for Vendetta. Not have read the graphic novel and not know the story plot, wondering if it's going to be as bad as "Constatine." Yes Natalie Portman is a good, but not great actress. Then I visited their official website and found out Hugo Weaving is was playing V.

I remember going to see "
The Adventures Of Priscilla Queen Of The Desert" in Baltimore with Matthew and a group of friends. I didn't think much of Hugo at that time either. I was more impressed with Terence Stamp and Guy Pearce. I loved Terence in Superman II as General Zod. I wanted to sleep with Guy Pearce for he was a toned hunk in that movie though I am not into drag queens. They are too high maintenance for my taste.

So then "The Matrix" came out where Hugo played Agent Smith. I thought damn this actor has gotten much better. Not only that he was also doing "Lord Of The Rings." It's like he is the king of trilogies in the past few years.


So since finding out that information and knowing the great scripts he picks, I have made up my mind to see "V For Vendetta." Hugo you have come along way from your drag days. If it is a bad film I know I will still enjoy the special effects.

This Is Going To Be Mikey At The House Meeting Monday

D.U.B.

So Mikey is writing this posting a little tipsy. Some of the women from the salon I work at asked me to go to the Crow's Nest where a funk to soul group known as The Al James Band was performing. Having made a commitment to go out with them one night I said "Sure." Having getting there on my bike, I go upstairs to the dance floor and find my friends sitting there surprised I showed up.

I took off my coat then told them I was going to the bar for a drink. I step up to the bar ordering my favorite drink which is an amaretto sour. An old bald man hit's on me in this straight club at the bar before I had my first drink. I think "please god not here, I am here to have fun." Sorry I am not a flamboyant queen, but damn this guy's gaydar must have gone off. Hold on this gets better.

So I start to sip the first hard drink I had since June of last year. Al starts his first set and I think "Oh shit I am not going to like him." Then he stops his set for there was a problem with the sound system. We wait 10 minutes till the sound system is adjusted, then he starts to wail. This guy was very talented. We start to dance and I get thirsty so ordering my second drink, I have become my mother because in about a hour and a half I am tipsy and she can't hold her liqueur either.

Going out to the designated smoking area this woman in her late 30 comes out and starts to tell me her life story. All about her fiance' for 6 months, how she moved up to the north county then proceeds to ask me to sleep with her. Whoa, hold on there, back up, I am not that fucking drunk. Me being me I said it was a pleasure to meet her and rush back in where my friends are waiting.

We dance a little more till Al finishes his set. I think I better get home to take my meds so I start to ride home and there is a policeman sitting in his car. "Shit" I think, I don't have lights on my bike and he's going to pull me over for a D. U. B.(driving under the influence while biking.) Needless to say, he didn't pull me over and I made it home safe. I did promised the women I would go out again with them some other time to see AL play. It turned out to be quite a night.

5 Things I Hate About You (G.W.B)

05: You put your hand on the bible to uphold the constitution, not you put your hand on the constitution to up hold the bible. (Thanks to who's ever blog I read that at)

04: That your brother Jeb fixed the elections both times to get you into office.

03: That you lied to the American public about Iraq

02: That you tried to use an autistic 17 year olds accomplishment to boost your public image ratings in the polls.

01: That you have not been impeached because no one wants Cheney as president, and that Cheney hasn't put a bullet in your ass....YET.

Feel free to add more to this list!!

Taken from "Jokes and Funny Pictures"

Curious George

Robbie

Mikey has new Boyfriend name Robbie. How did I meet my new bo? We met last night when he was peeking in my window about two in the morning. Robbie looked so cute in that blask mask and dark eyes. I couldn't help to fall in love with him at first sight. I did inform him that the peeping Tom thing need to stop if we were going to have a relationship. So, click on this Robbie to see my new bo.

Ms. Sizzle and Carded

Ms. Sizzle (pic shown) and Jules have made me into a true blogging whore now. Yesterday Sizzle taught me how to add more then one pic to my postings. Thank you I can't give you enough props. I can't wait to get home, run to my P.C., and write my next posting. I am now an addict to blogging.

Here in the state of California you a required by law to either be 16 or 18 years of age to buy a pack of smokes. In the past week I have been carded twice!! Granted being short, and looking younger for my age there is no way I look that young. So I thanked the two cashiers and went on my way. What is up with the state of California. Are the saying "If you see this man card his ass."

American Idol

Ok I broke down and watched American Idol last night. Here's my thoughts:

Bill Gates look a like who can't dance

Amanda Bynes forgotten sister

Fell in love with her

Best of the top twelve

Mom's Pharmacy

Today, I want to put out some information for everyone who has HIV/AIDS. There is a company called Mom's Pharmacy that will prepackaged your daily cocktails. To show you what I mean I have scanned my daily cocktail . I take nine pills daily. The pack of three (Top Left) is my morning douse. It consist of Viramune, Zerit, and a 500 mg of vitamin C. The rest of the packs are my evening douse. Which consist of Virmune, Zerit, 500 mg vitamin C, Truvada, and Ranitidine (which is for nausea), and a multivitamin.

For the people who don't know about antivirals I take three which are Truvada, Zerit, and Viramune daily to control the HIV/AIDS virus in my body. The rest are to boost my immune system and side effects.

Mom's does accept the AIDS DRUG ASSISTANCE PROGRAM (ADAP), and I am not sure what other insurance they will accept. With a doctors prescription, they will include vitamins in your packets free of charge. They will also print at what time, and separate by time your cocktail. If you like, you can get a pager (FREE OF CHARGE) set to remind you that it's time to take your meds.

I love Mom's Pharmacy, they Fed Ex your meds to you in a monthly roll. If you have to go out of town, you just rip off the packs you need and go. This saves so much space with no bulky pill containers to carry. So check it out to see if MOM'S is right for you.

Put it On, Put It On

Now does everyone see why I have to work on my upper body and abs. I felt like I had a set of woman's head lights it was that cold. So this caption today is "Put it on, Put it on." Donnie good caption for mug shot Monday is "A wanna be streroid queen!"

Sergeant Cupcake and Private Fruitcake

This is Sergeant Cupcake (left) and Private Fruitcake (right) are off to fight in the war against terrorism. Cupcake is a brilliant military strategist and historian that lied about his age to get into the arm services. Fruitcake is a bio weapons expert, his specialty is deadly toxic gas that comes out of his ass. Wish these two soldiers well as they go to save the human race. Freedom, democracy, and honor live in the hearts of these brave men. (Notice how Private Fruitcake is wearing Sergeant Cupcake's jacket.)

You Make the Caption

I am going to give all my blogger buddies a chance to make fun of me today. You make the caption. Mine for this one is "A better shot for the Doughnut Guy."

The Photo Shoot and Writing Conversation

I want to thank Jules for my recent photo shoot. I will be showing you some of the pictures in the next days and weeks to follow. Jules and I had a wonderful conversation about writing. In a recent posting I told how I was raped over a five year time period. I made a joke at the end. She felt it was inappropriate for me to make that comment. You see at the time I was writing that posting, many different emotions were welling up in me all at once.

Things I thought I had handled, or stored away forever suddenly flooding my mind of those times. One of the things I learned from her yesterday is that I use humor to escape from difficult situations. I don't like conflict with others or in myself. I like things on an even keel. Sometimes like most humans, I have a hard time looking into self. She said "It's ok to be serious sometimes when you are blogging something that serious. If they read your postings regularly they know your sense of warped humor and you don't have to make a joke. No one expects you to."

I don't know if it was the writing of two very heavy postings that got to me. I needed detatchment from myself right then and there. For those of you who haven't notice, I try to put some type of subtle joke somewhere in my postings within the last two weeks or I'll do it in your face. Like the Bang, Bang posting at the end..."And I helped" was from a shake and bake advertising campaign. Party Girl got the number two one. Yesterdays tag line was "be afraid, very afraid." A good example (which I loved writing) in your face was the birth posting, or the ice ice baby where I told mom to pay up because it was a cold day in hell and it snowed . I didn't mean to dismiss what they had done to me, or the seriousness of the topic. It was something in me needing to detatch from my emotions.

Enough about that, now for the photo shoot. We had an ice storm the night before which I am sure a lot of bloggers from S.C. have writen postings of this phenomenon. After we have the before conversation, she says grab your stuff and let's head for the cliffs (a few blocks away.) So we go there, I take off my jacket she starts to shoot my new pics. In the parking space next to where we were park was an older gentleman eating a doughnut checking me out. (Bald and skinny.)

We shoot the stripped shirts shots and I change into Jules's favorite black shirt I own right next to him. His eyes bulging out he can't stop stairing my way. So not my type!!! We finish the black shirt photos and I said "Let's try a few with the shirt off" Now mind you we just had that ice storm. I think the tempeture might have been somewhere in the low 40's. We get the shots we wanted and Jules tells me to walk towards the car and don't put on any top. I do so and I am freezing by now. I know I only have 9 percent body fat so there is little insulation on me. I get to the car and she says "That one was for the doughnut guy." You just to have to love "Jules in the jewel box." Check out the new pic on my profile.

Ice, Ice, Baby

Here in Santa Cruz we had thunder showers and dime size hail. Yes we had an ice storm. While trying to tape my favorite show"Battlestar Galactica", emergency broadcast system came on and ruin my taping. "From 10 pm March 10 to 4 pm March 11 Santa Cruz county will have severe thunderstorms along with hail. I moved to California to get away from the cold and Ice. What struck me funny was they said "Stay in your houses, lighting kills a lot of people per year. I lost it, and went outside to have a smoke under tree holding a golf club. I guess I'll get all those things I wanted in life mom. Remember all those times you told me "Only when it snows in hell well you get that." It's time to pay up.

Photos

I am getting my picture taken again by Jules tomorrow. The one you see on this blog was taken this past July. I feel like I am who I am (Not from Popeye). You need to say marry, sleep with, or push off a cliff. Sorry Kevin couldn't resist. I have a great idea for a posting so Jules graciously accepted to take my pic. Look for the new one's next week. (I hope I can figure out how to upload them again!!!)

One Of The Few

From reading other peoples blogs,(No I'm not a stalker for those who have tracking, I just like checking out other people comments on your blogs also) I am one of the few people who really enjoys his job. The women there love me. 3 of them had me blushing giving me compliments left and right. Hell, one of female stylist wants me under her Christmas tree with a red ribbon tied around my neck. (Blush) The only witty thing I could come up with to not be totally embarrassed was "Which One?" I got even more redder saying this.

Bang, Bang

I went to the Dreamworks website and I of a sudden I hear a familiar song coming out of my speakers:

(Ding, Ding, Ding)

And I am telling you I'm not going,
your the best man I ever known,
darling there's No way, no, no, no, no, no way

No way!! Dreamworks are making Dreamgirls!! The before song has a very special place in my heart. There was this drag queen named Bang, Bang LeDesh who asked me to help her with her talent portion of the Miss Hippo contest when I lived in Baltimore. We envisioned I told Effie she was out of the group. She got pissed when the three girls come out, she rushes off stage, GETS A GUN, comes back out the three girls leave and only me and her left. Then she starts sing the above song and proceeds to beat me up. Me always wanting to be a stunt man said sure why not?

So we were rehearsing, coming up with ideas for the routine. I knew a little bit of stunt work so I tell her to drag me by my hair. (Secret the victim is always in control.) plus throwing me down three steps and more. All of a sudden, I hear these really two hard beats in the song. I tell Bang to push me down on my knees before these beats and pistol whip me when these two hard beats come in the song.

Bang goes to me "You're a sucker for punishment, aren't you?" I say back" Just trust me on this one." Well the night of the Miss Hippo contest comes. She's doing pretty well in the other categories. Our turn comes, well by the end of the song the whole crowd were on it's feet. We stopped the show, I mean contest. We weren't allowed to go back out again the rules wouldn't allow us to. For about 5 minutes you herd nothing but clapping and yelling. That night Bang Bang LeDesh won the Miss Hippo contest, and I helped.

GST (Gay Standard Time)

My drag queen boss is back from the conventions in Florida. I went into work today to do a deep cleaning of his private room (not him,YUCK). He calls me up about 8:30(Hear's Stewie Griffin on my machine) in the morning stating he would be there at noon. So I get there about 10:00 thinking this is only going to take two or three hours. He'll get there then we'll touch base and I'll leave. Did you ever notice how gay people have there own time standard? For the straights out there this is called GST AKA gay standard time. We are always fashionably late.


Needless to say I was there 6 hours cleaning. Yes, he finally showed up about three o'clock. I have this same problem with Matthew. He tells me he's going to visit me, then I wait around all day for him to show up.

The only solution I can come up with is to set both their watches 3 hours ahead. Do my blogging buddies have any other ideas? Another question, Did Terri Hatcher read my rape posting because she's all over the news now? HMMMM....(bitch) I think I need to do another Ethernet umbilical cord posting.

Footnote: He did bring me a shirt back. I think he got it from a rave.

Shout It, Shout It, Shout It Loud

I am going keep my postings light hearted for the next few days. After writing about my rape experience, and the one about when I found out I was positive (both in less then a week) I needed some humor, and other distractions. Plus doing my research for "the contest".

Today I need to give some props out:

Rye at Got Gay: Congrats on the interview from best gay blogs.

Donnie at Fresh N Tasty: Dude the wrinkle mug shot was priceless. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to see what you do this Monday for Mug Shot Monday!!

Brenton at Aussielicious: You are just hot!!

Justin at A New Beginning: Thanks for the inspirations

Kevin at Kapgar: Kill the hobbit! Kill the hobbit! Do I need to say more? Yes I do, Contest posted on his blog!!!

Margret Cho: Yeah, now I am looking for Harvey Fierstein's Blog.

Partygirl at Sexcaped: Thanks for your fine sexy support.

"The Person"at Jokes and Funny Pictures: I couldn't find your profile, but thanks for the laughs!!

I am sure I will give more props to people in the future. Need to do more research, and don't get mad at me for not mentioning you. Oh yeah, the pic featured on this posting is me after those two heavy postings this week!! Mikey

Pondering Questions Mikey Want's The Answers To

1: Why is there always someone in the expresses line that makes it slower then the regular lines? Can we say "Safeway"and people with "New Money."

2: Why is it we always look at our bowel movements? Are we expecting ourselves to shit gold or something?

3: Why is when we use a coat hanger to try to open the car door after we locked our keys in it someone asks:"Did you lock you keys in the car?" No, I just washed it and I'm hanging it up to dry. Here's your sign

4: Why is it when you are sitting on a paper someone comes up and ask you"Are you reading that?" I say "Yes I am" I turn the page and sit back down again.

5: Why is it that every house in California has an ant problem when it rains? Yesterday, I went to the kitchen. Saw a ton of ants, wiped them up with a wet dish cloth. Rinsed them off in the kitchen sink, and then turned on the garbage disposal to make sure those suckers were dead!! This has happened at all three places I lived at in California.

6:Roomies either lie about, or don't replace the food you bought when the eat it? Jill, Bob and I are always buying food for the house, and plus certain things for ourselves. While writing this post a certain roomy goes I always drink black coffee after I noticed we were low again on half and half. Bullshit I've seen your coffee dude!!! How about a little reciprocation here. I eat healthy but I hate, low fat things, wheat bread,banana bread ect. Thank you Dr. Atkins for the paranoid hysteria. Don't offer me pancakes and banana bread when you are eating shrimp, after I made the house an expensive chicken dinner a few weeks ago. Plus eating the brownies, pizza, ect, I make all the time. Sorry ranted on that one! I am a white bread person, fuck wheat and multi-grain!!

7:Why is it my wireless router didn't pick up the right password after I had SBC change it? It took a 30 minute phone call after 2 and a half hours from my computer guy to figure that one out. Sorry Give-A-Byte!

8:Why do I feel I have to put a disclaimer on my first contest posting because of the historical facts? Hmm got you wondering on that one. Tune in April 10th to see why.

9: Why did it take me so long to find and blog roll Margaret Cho's blog? Thanks Tomato.

10: Who is the next person that Mikey is going to put on his blog roll and what rating will it have? XXX or other can we say "Starrfucker"? Hell no I am not putting a link here! You need to go to my blog roll for this one.

Raped (Warning Disturbing Content Everyone Needs to Know)

I had a very disturbing E Mail from a friend in London, England. She wrote that a woman over there was repeatedly raped, and gang banged by 5 men. She (the woman) doesn't remember any of it. It seems that they had slipped her Rohypnol (the date rape drug) and Progesterex (a small pill vets use to sterilize large animals) so she wouldn't get pregnant. It seems that one of the 5 men slipped it into her drink. Waited then they gang raped her. It seems that this is becoming more common, and everyone should beware of these facts. Tell your friends and family. If you have media contacts, please tell them. Tell your blogging friends. Let's get the word out. I am now going to give you one of my E Mail boxes so I can forward the E mail to you if you want to read it yourself. This is too important to me not to pass on. Then I will write about my own multiple rapings if you don't want to read about them I am putting a stop here now. I am counting on the blogger world, and the six degrees of separation theory to get this information out to the general public, have your friends e mail me too so I can forward on it to them if you don't want to do it yourself.

Here is one of my E Mail address's.

mikeysantacruz@yahoo.com

In subject or info space please write" forward me rape e mail." I will do so as fast as I can.

STOP HERE NOW

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, my parents moved to rural Lancaster, Pa. There was a busy highway in front of our house known as route 30 AKA the Lincoln highway. Being such a major thoroughfare, there wasn't many residential houses on this highway. The closest kids to my age lived on an amish farm about 6 blocks away.

Me being an animal lover, I used to go up there all the time. I made friends with the family kids, I was invited to dinner a few times, and the mother even made my mother a hand made quilt. They would used to let me drive the work horses during harvest time, let me milk the cows, all the things you did on a farm. I loved it!!!

Now back in the late 60's early 70's, no one explained the terminology of rape to kids. It was a taboo subject. As far as I know, there was no support groups for kids. No internet where they could do an engine search for help. No help to how to approach your parents with the subject.

It was only about two years ago I told my mother what happened to me on the farm. I was multipled raped many times by three amish boys who ages were 12, 14, 16. I can talk about it openly now but I find myself walking away from my pc for awhile, and stopping, and reading what I have written. I am finding it difficult to put it into writing for the whole WWW to read.

After about a year after I would go up to the farm, the 16 year old started picking me up over his shoulder and fondling my penis. I would cry out please stop don't do that but he didn't listen to my pleas. I must confess that I knew at that time I was gay, but didn't know the meaning of it. I just thought I was different.

Now your asking why I just didn't stop going up to the farm, well they were the only play mates I had at the time, and who just wants his brother as a play mate when you had a sibling rivalry going on. So a week or two goes by, we are collecting eggs from the chickens, suddenly the 16 year old grabs me, and force's me into a private area of the barn of the chicken to give him a hand job.

He must have told two of his other brothers what he made me do, for within a few months all three of them were involved. I don't think they knew what sodomizing was at the time, or oral sex. Thinking back now, if they did it would have been a lot worse. They raped me in the chicken coop, where they fed the heifers, they fed cows, fed the horses, many different areas of the farm so I never knew where it would be, and when it would happen.

This continued for 5 to 6 years until my parents moved into the city of Lancaster itself. Sorry I need to make a joke here. If I knew I liked gay sex then, like I do now, I wouldn't have considered it rape. I would have enjoyed myself. So that is my experience of rape.

Footnote: I feel this is the most important posting I have ever written. The hardest next to the one where I told you how I found out I was positive and the weeks that followed. Mikey

Drivers License Test: The New Hit Broadway Play (For Mouse)

Scene 1: We see Mikey driving with his father beside him to take first drivers license test.

Father starts scene-Before we go take you for your test, let's go to the practice course one more time.

Mikey-Ok dad.

Mikey drives to his old junior high. Goes threw the practice coarse with flying colors. Dad is impressed.

Dad- Ok let's head to the state police barracks now to take your test.

Mikey- Yes father.

They head to the state police barracks. The DMV and the state police barracks are in the same building. Police in front, DMV in back(I just found out this changed looking on line).

Scene 2: Mikey takes his first test

Instructor- Ok Mikey, I want you to get in the car and do everything I tell you.

Mikey- Yes Sir!!

Mikey gets into car. Fastens his seat belt. He also checks all mirrors so he can see.

Instructor- Please start the car up.

Mikey does so

Instructor-Now I want you to turn on and off your headlights and windshield wipers. Then after that I want you to push on the brake and I am going to go check outside all the above so I know everything works before we start. After that I want you to put the car in reverse so I can check those lights. Do not, I repeat do not move the car an inch till I am back in the car. I don't want you to hit me!!!

Mikey does this with no problems but thinks oh great more added pressure on top of the nerves.

Instructor- That was fine, everything works on this car. Now I want you to put the car in reverse and go threw the coarse.

Mikey backs up this big ass, brown aircraft carrier 1970's Buick LeSabre. No my parents couldn't own a small Mazda. That one they owned next and I flooded that car out with water. I will tell you that one later in the week. Mikey does well on the coarse. Now it's time to paralla park.

Mikey parallel parks, then he stops the car. The instructor opens the door and measures the distance way from the fake curb with his clip board.

Instructor-Now I want you to head out of the coarse and park in the same spot we started from.
Mikey does so.

Instructor- You failed son. You were to far away from the curb. You can take your test again in another 3 to 7 days. Mikey goes home broken hearted.

Mikey's second try. Replay scenes one and two.

Mikey's third try at license.

replay scenes one and two until after the instructor measures how far from curb with his clip board.


new dialog from here out

Instructor-You now Mikey you are too far away from the curb.

Mikey- I know I am sir. It's that I have done this over a hundred times perfect. It's just when you creepy old men are in the car with me. You make me nervous.(I did leave out the creepy old men part, but that is what was going threw my mind plus I was half in tears.)

Instructor-Ok, I will give you one more chance to parallel park.

Mikey does so. Instructor opens door. Then shuts it. No clip board

Instructor- I don't even need to measure with my clip board. You parked it so well. Now drive back to the spot where we started.

Mikey does so.

More new dialog

Instructor-Now put the car in park and come with me.

Mikey-Why

Instructor-You passed son. We need to take your picture for you license.

Mikey drops a load in his pants

Mikey-You mean it?

Instructor-Yes I do come on.

So they both go in. Later that day Mikey tells whole family how he passed and about the creepy old guy.

Scene 7: later on that night

Mikey- Hey mother and dad can I borrow the keys to the car and go out with my friends?

Mother and Dad speaking in unison-Hell no we don't trust you yet!!

The End

Footnote-Mouse at least when you take your particle driving test it won't be in an aircraft carrier like I had to drive. Good luck dude!!!

"Brokeback Mountain" "Crash" And Burns For Best Picture

Did you really think I wasn't going to leave this one go by? Brokeback Mountain didn't win best picture. Maybe the Academy is only 10 percent gay so they only got 10 percent of the best picture vote. "Not" I do need to thank 2 people from the Oscars and I have a question about the best picture acceptance speech!

As much as I hate George Clooney as an actor, I want to give him props for mentioning AIDS during his acceptance speech. George I know you will never read this but our whole house went nuts when you mentioned that in your speech. There was another man who won a lesser award who went on stage wearing a red ribbon. I am sorry I didn't star your name on my"printable Oscar. Com Ballot" so I could also give you props.

Did anyone else notice that Cathy Schulman accepting her Oscar for best picture thanked her husband and wife? Jill and I both said "What did she say, ABC can you please rewind that please?" Bitch we didn't tape it. So I would like to know if anyone else noticed that the female winner for "Crash" best picture award thanked her husband and wife?

Oh yes Jon Stewart. John Stewart I think did a great job hosting and I loved the fake vote for me commercials. Those had us laughing our asses off. Good job Jon.

Poker and What The Hell Did Blogger Dashboard Do?

I went over to Jules's place to play poker. It was a friendly game that involved no money just chips. I got really shitty hands all night. They were so shitty I felt I couldn't even bluff. The one time I did have a good hand Remy (Jules husband) beat the pants off me. Yes I was the first one out. :-(

Has anyone notice my blog roll is missing along with my pic, blog name and everything else that was to the left of my my postings. Where in the hell in cyber space did they go? Yes I am no longer a true blogging whore. I don't exist. I am a figmentation of your imagination. I must have pissed off blogger dashboard. How I have no idea. I have seen blogs on here with XXX material. Oops can we say Mikey likes porn once in awhile.

So here is a note to blogger dashboard,

Dear Blogger Dashbord,
Please fix the left side of my fucking template so I don't have to redo my whole blog again. Make me completed and feel like I am a blogger worth reading.
Your Noblest Blogger Slave Whore.

Mikey

Any Hints How To Fix It?

A Posting For The Future About Our Birth

Dear Mikey,
I am writing this posting from our mother's womb. Evidently the secret to Windows XP is stored in here and for gods sakes keep Bill Gates away from mom. If he gets near her we'll never hear the end of it!! I have tapped into our mother's vagina via Ethernet umbilical cord to pass on a little information for us. Since Windows XP has so many problems you should receive this sometime in the year of 2006. Yes, we do live that long, and we become 43 year old fart.

First of all , I want to inform you about our upcoming birth (and our sex life) in a few days. We are going to be gay. It is so tight and cramp in here we never want to see another one of these vaginas again. Birthing is such a messy process. We are going to quote a line from one of Pink Floyd's songs all the time for the rest of our life. I will tell you that we will not appreciate their music until later when we our older. The line we will quote all the time is "Do you want to take a bath?" from "The Wall" album. We will always enjoy taking baths more then showers and I'll explain that soon.

Hold on a second I think mom is trying to push us out. Nope false alarm. It was only a fart.

So mom is going to have a little trouble birthing us. Having three kids before us, you think her vagina and body would have an easy time. When we are growing up, she'll always tell us how we kept her in labor for 36 hours and nearly killed her. Later. She'll tell us this was a guilt trip. At least she doesn't quote Joan Rivers saying how we ripped her to shreds like Melissa did to her. By the way, dad will have one of the first vasectomies performed in Lancaster county.

I will tell you dad will be a little cold to us. It seems that there was this incident in a grocery store. He was holding us and a woman comes up to dad and says"Is that your grandson, how cute is he." Dad turns around angrily to the woman and grits his teeth saying"No lady, this is my SON!!" Mom will explain that to us later after dad dies.

"Damn you vile woman." That wasn't a fart, we our being born.

Ok Mikey, I have to rush this now. We are now in that woman's birth canal. I also can see a lot of people dressed really weird outside mom's vagina. We think they need a new fashion designer from "Project Runway" for a new wardrobe. We wonder if their getting a thrill from seeing mom's pussy.

We our out of mom now. Holy shit, who is that cute doctor. He is such a hottie!!! "WAAAAA"(crying noise) we want to do the doctor right here and now. Yes, we cried at our birth like all babies. Not because the nurse slapped our bare bottom red. It was that we wanted to suck the doctor off in the O.R.

The reason we don't like to take showers is when we were born, we were thinking they were going to drown us. Cleaning off all that sticky mess that comes from the birthing process.

"WAIT!!! STOP!!! DON'T CUT THAT!!! I'M NOT FINISHED YET DAMN IT!!!! I NEED TO TELL US ABOUT..."


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Enough

That's it, I had it. I am either shaving, or going to use Nair on my hairy ass like this dude.

Humor

I love humor and this is a short posting. I just wanted to pass along this humorous blog I found. Enjoy all.
Jokes and Funny pictures.

One, Two, Three, Oops

As I mentioned before I was a gymnast for 18 years. I worked out with the high school team when I was in junior high. Competed in high school and was the co-captain, and college. The one year I competed in college till the money situation got messed up, I went to the North Alantic championships on floor, and vault.

So I was sitting with my teammates watching with other events. There was the pommel horse, rings, and high bar all going on at the some time. So my eyes dashing back and forth between competitor's I start watching the high bar. A good looking dude from another school starts his high bar routine.

I'm thinking man this dude is really hitting his routine he's going to place somewhere in the top 3 spots. So he was doing giants, and release moves with perfect form. Then I see him do one giant. Hold on a second for those of you who don't know what a giant is click on the link to see what I mean. Now back to the action.

So the dude does one giant, two giants, three giants. Hey what the hell is that brown spot on back of his white competitor's pants. Yes, while winding up for his dismount, the dude lost total bowel control and shit his pants. Even with a load in his pants he stuck his dismount. I should say he had a sticky disbowelmount.

In the end, I think the judges gave him the sympathetic vote because everybody noticed and laughed, plus he took first place in that event. For me I would have given him a 10.0 just for finishing. So before you get on that pole and start swinging around, make sure you take a shit first.

Oh Those Duckie Name Tags

I know I never mentioned it till now, but I have one older brother and two older sisters. The two girls came first and then the two boys. When we were growing up my mother couldn't, and still can't to this day keep our names right. She would always call us by our siblings names.

I still have a vivid memory of one incident and another of how my one sibling got our point across.

When I was in junior high and high school my mother used to wake me up so I wouldn't be late for school. One morning I hear her yelling up the stairs all the siblings names but mine. She was saying"Janet, Mary, Allen it's time to get up!!" So I am laying in bed thinking to myself, you know what? I am going to stay in bed till she gets my damn name right.

So about 20 minutes goes by, I think I better get up. So I walk down the stairs, my mother waiting there patiently, and blurts out "Hey kid what the hell is your name?" So I informed my mother the blase' name she and my father gave me. I also informed her I was going to stay in bed till she got my damn name right.

In the months that followed, I told my siblings about what my mother had done to me that morning. I am surprised I don't have P.T.S.D. from that morning. So on Janet's birthday which happens to be on Christmas eve. She always throws a big family get together.

I walked over to Janet's house to help her get ready for the party. Mary was there, she had flown in from where ever she was living at the time, and Allen showed up shortly after with his psychotic wife(I may one day blog about that "woman". My parents were still at their place.

Mary(shown in pic) sits us all down and informs us (the kids and the grandkids) stating that we all need to do something about the name thing. So she pulls out of a bag these name tags in the shape of ducks. So we all write our names on these tags, put them on our left brest area, and wait for our mother and father to show up.

Suddenly we hear mother and father coming to the door. We all rush to the door waiting for them to enter Janet's house. The door opens, my mother and father looked at us and they both can't keep a straight face. We all informed May and Archie (my parents, man my grandparents gave the worst names to my parents they must have been on acid or something) that they had to have name tags on too.

So that night my mother got all her kids, and the grandkids names right. I did see her look a few times at the name tags so she wouldn't fuck up our names.

Reminder and The Front Desk Hottie

Just a quick reminder to enter the blogging contest. Click this link for details. I have finally chosen someone to blog about that's not on the list.

I mentioned yesterday, I was all day in lust with the new front desk volunteer at the "Org."As I have mentioned before I like white, Latino, and Asian men. Olive skin and dark hair is a real turn on for me. I never even considered Arabic. Hey they have olive skin and dark hair too.

I haven't needed to go to the "Org" for awhile so I walk up the steps and I felt like a lesbian with a hard on. My tongue got so stiff I could barely talk to the dude. It was like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah coming out of my mouth. I finally was able to spit out I am here to see Ms. Sizzle and Androgynous.

Wearing at tight pair of blue jeans that showed off his butt, and a red and blue designer shirt not tucked in I was thinking Damn this dude is hot. Plus he is tall, scratch that, being 5'4" everyone is taller then me. I couldn't really tell if he had a slight gut which I am not into (I couldn't really tell from the clothing he was wearing) but for this dude I would an exception.

I had asked "The Beer Man" if he was straight or gay and his come back was why don't you just go up and ask him yourself. I mentioned in my dating post I am not sure if I am ready to date. I think I am ready for sex. So I chickened out asking the dude. This dude I wish would make my one sexual fantasy cum true. I just hope I don't have gas like I did in my posting "Killing The Inmates."

Lust Or The Amazing Race?

I have about two weeks off from work (unpaid) due to my boss going to two conventions. So if you see a few postings a day it's because I am really becoming a blog whore.

I am kinda torn right now about this posting. I don't know if I should blog about the new Wednesday morning front desk volunteer at "The Org."or CBS'S "The Amazing Race." I think I'll wait on the ORG. lust posting till later today or tomorrow.

I really don't watch that many reality TV shows. How can it be real when there are hairdressers, and make-up artist involved. One of the few I do like is "The Amazing Race." Last night was the two hour premier. A former neighbor turned me onto this show.

This season they have two guys on from San Francisco who are hippies as a team. You have to love BJ and Tyler. When they crossed the finish line in second place Tyler (who went to U.C.S.C.) said" Dude that was awesome. That was the best high I had without any substances." Right now all the teams are in South America. Could you imagine if they go to Columbia? They be like "Where's the "Coke" dude?"

Then there is Eric and Jeremy I am routing for this team to win because Eric is very easy on the eyes. Sorry Jules, there I go again. BTW my hormones are in overload any ideas of hotties for me? These two placed first last night.

Another team I really like is the sister team of Lisa and Joni. They walk into a hotel and one said "This is my type of hotel. I'd like to stay here sometime."

There are 11 teams competing and I am not going to blog about all 11. There is one more I need to mention. John and Scott the "Lifelong fuck buddy team." John, John, John, what the fuck was the Barbara Eden "Jeannie Power" thing in the taxi cab? You deserved to be eliminated last night for being that much of a queen. In the hotel, you said" What a fabulous suite!" You sounded just like Bugs Bunny when he told Gossamer " Monthersth make thuch interesthhting people." What is it with your pic on the web site today. You look like my boss before he had the liposucion. Are you a drag queen too like him?

Does Anyone Have A Sex Toy?

Oops I did it again. Yes, Mikey set off the smoke dectectors again. I really am a good cook, but last night I broiled a piece of meat and 3 of the smoke dectectors started screaming like banshees in heat. Wailing like the baby in the house who is teething right now.

I was like "Fuck this shit, I can't broil a piece of meat till it's done without setting you guys off?" I started yelling does anyone have a baseball bat, or a dildo so I can break these damn things!!! Yes I was so pissed, I was ready to use a plastic penis by the balls, slam that suckers dry without lube till those suckers broke..

I am sure "The Org. Would had loved that!!" "We have to kick you out of the house, Mikey. Not only is the house a fire hazard now from the broken smoke dectectors. You assaulted communal property with a plastic cock and you have to reimburse us for the damage you caused from using the plastic penis!!" No one in the house would give me theirs, and I refused to break out mine.

In the end I had to climb up on a chair and remove the batteries from those 3 fuckers so I could finish my meal. They are on my shit list and next time I will pull out one of my dildos, or vibrators and smash the fuckers.