Directly Stolen From Kapgar

• Are you spoiled?
  You are if you can bold 40 or more of the following:
  
  Do you have.....
  
• your own cell phone
  
• a television in your bedroom
  
• an IPOD
  
• a photo printer
  
• your own phone line
  
• TiVo or generic digital video recorder
  
• High-speed internet service
  
• a surround sound system in your bedroom
  
• DVD player in your bedroom- yeah on my computer
  
• at least one hundred DVD's
  
• a childfree bathroom
  
• your own in house office
  
• a pool
  
• a guest room
  
• a game room
  
• a queen sized bed- would you expect anything less from me?
  
• a stocked bar
  
• a working dishwasher
  
• an icemaker
  
• a working washer and dryer
  
• more then 20 pairs of shoes
  
• at least 10 things from a designer store
  
• expensive sunglasses
  
• framed artwork (Not lithographs or prints)
  
• Egyptian sheets or towels
  
• a multi-speed bike
  
• a gym membership
  
• large exercise equipment in home
  
• your own set of golf clubs
  
• a pool table
  
• a tennis court
  
• local access to a lake, pond or beach-hey the beach is just a few blocks away from my home
• your own pair of skis
  
• enough camping gear for a weekend in an isolated area
  
• a boat
  
• a jet ski
  
• a neighborhood committee membership
  
• a beach house or a vocation house/cabin
  
• wealthy family members
  
• two or more family cars
  
• a walkin closet or pantry
  
• a yard
  
• a hammock
  
• a personal trainer
  
• good credit
  
• expensive jewelry
  
• a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
  
• at least 100 dollars in your possession right know-I wish
  
• more then two credit cards bearing your name- right I don't even have one
  
• a stock portfolio- what's that?
  
• a passport
  
• a horse
  
• a trustfund
  
• private medical insurance
  
• a college degree no outstanding student loans
  
  do you...
  
• shop for non-needed items for yourself (Like cloths, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
  
• do you regularly grocery shop at high-end or specialty store
  
• pay someone to clean your house, wash your dishes, or launder your clothes
  
• go on weekend mini vocations
  
• send dinners back with every flaw
  
• wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
  
• regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon-yeah I'm a personal assistant to a hair stylist what do you expect
  
• have a job but don't need money OR stay at home with little financial sacrifice
  
• pay someone to cook your meals
  
• regularly pay someone else to drive you
  
• expect a gift after you fight with your partner
  
  are you...
  
• are you an only child
  
• married/partnered with a wealthy person
  
• baffled/surprised when you don't get your way
  
  Have you...
  
• been on a cruise
  
• traveled out of the country-yeah to Canada for a few hours when I was in third grade
  
• met a celebrity
  
• been to the Caribbean
  
• been to Europe
  
• been to New York
  
• eaten at the space needle in Seattle
  
• been to "The Mall Of America"
  
• been to the Eiffel tower in Paris- no I'm not Tom Cruise
  
• been to the Statue Of Liberty in New York
  
• moved more then three times because you wanted too-just missed that one one more I have to highlight it
  
• dined with local political figures
  
• been to the Alantic and Pacific coasts
  
  did you...
  
• go to another country for your honeymoon
  
• hire a professional photographer for your wedding or commitment ceremony
  
• take riding or swimming lessons as a child- yeah swimming at the local Y.M.C.A.
  
• attend private school
  
• have a sweet 16 party thrown for you

WOW, only 16 I am a disgrace to the gay community!!

Now The Estrogen Is Finally Complete

I know, two postings in one day. I really need to get a life but I couldn't wait to post this one. It was announced on the Daytime Emmy awards that one of my loves, Rosie O'Donnell will become one of the co-host of "The View." She will be replacing Meredith Vieira in September. I only have one question for Barbara Wa WA. "Why the hell did it take you so long to get a openly gay co-host?" Lesbians are women too! The View is suppose to be a show about the womens point of view of the world. To quote Rosie "Hellooooooo!!!"

The Best Multi-Tasker

I threaten to blog a person and I am doing it today. There is one person in my life who should receive the "Best Multi-Tasker In The World"award if there was such a thing. Remy (Jules husband) is this person.

The other week I went to visit Jules. I needed to ask Remy a question and I saw him doing the following things.

1) Playing a video game

2) Working on his laptop

3) Down loading files on his PC

4) Talking on the house phone

5) Talking on his cell phone

6) Pet the pooches

7) Drinking a brewski

8) Talking to Jules

9) Watching TV

10) Listening to his son's music on Jules computer

11) Having a smoke

All I have to say is "Remy's My HERO!!!" Did I miss anything Jules?

My Day Yesterday

• 12 To 7am Powers Naps off and on

• 7 to 7:30- turn on Today show, make coffee. have a smoke

• 7:30 to 9:30- Drink coffee, watch today, try to get more sleep

• 9:30 to 10 - Shower

• 10 to 11 - Watch Ellen

• 11 to12 -go to Org to say high to buddies, talk to person about not falling for a scam, see if two birthday gifts arrived, meet my buddy Chris for lunch

• 12 to 2 - Hang with Chris on the "Mall", buy cards, Get Santa Cruz Skatetrucks knot sticker for computer tower, Send mom mother's day card

• 2 to 5 -get home, check E-mail, can not connect, No DSL, Call SBC they say we need to call me back

• 5 to 6 - read some of "Consumer Joe", start Kirkland lasanga, wait for SBC to call

• 6 to 7 - eat, get back on net which STILL isn't set up right, check e-mail

• 7 to 11- get sucked into Ross "the interns" chat room in which I had some amazing conversations, deal with cops at the door, my modem called 911 and hung up, Pimped The "Lost Blogs" while in chat room

• 11 to 11:30 - Watch news

• 11:30 to 3 am - Create MYSPACE page, can't figure out how to add the URL from this site on myspace page, E Mail TGIF Hounds (HNT) to ask if I could get one of his videos for Myspace, decide I need to talk to Mouse about myspace

• 3 to 7 am - sleep some, write this posting

More Of The Memes

How Clean I Keep My Bedroom

a) Immaculate

b) Like a nuclear bomb went off in Arnold Ziffel's sty

c) No in between (it's either or)

Songs On My Ipod (if I had one)

a) Gamblers Blues - Lester Norton aka Solonor

b) Pulling Mussels (From The Shell) -Squeeze

c) Small Town Boy - Bronski Beat

d) Right By Your Side - Eurythmics

3 Things I'm Wearing Right Now

a) Boxerbriefs

b) A Hoodie (My favorite pieces of clothing)

c) A Tee Shirt with the saying "I used to have super human powers, but my therapists took them away" [Hot Topics rules]

4 Things People Don't Know About You

a) I have many birthmarks on my right groin area (at hip joint.)

b) I now have OCD about my hair from working at the salon.

c) I have now become a celebrity blog stalker (I'm looking for Ellen Degeneres right now)

d) This one's tough. I tried to commit suicide in August 1999. I was having a really hard time in my life. I tried to slice my wrists with two very sharp hunting knives one night and neither one would cut deep into my skin. No, it wasn't when I found out I was positive which was September 30, 2004. Did I try it when I found out I was positive? NO! Did I think about? YES I did! I am in a much better head space now. I only have a small scar now on my left wrist. (No that's not my PostSecret which I sent in Monday.)

3 People I Think Should Come Out Of The "Closet"

a) Tom Cruise

b) Tom Cruise

c) Tom Cruise (I won't be seeing MI3)

3 Things I'm Tired Of Hearing About On The News

a) Tomkitten

b) Braglina Baby

c) Fretney Baby 1 & 2

3 Superheros I Would Sleep With

a) The Human Torch (Fantastic 4)

b) ArchAngel (from X-Men 3 pic shown)

c) Paul Davidson (Oh come on, you knew I had to make one joke)

1 Thing I'll Be Laughing At ALL Day

a) That no men commented on my posting yesterday (you go girls)

Wicked Weds. Today's Wicked Weds. Is A Quote

This quote came from AFI's top 400 nominated greatest movie quotes.

"Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." ... annie hall

What Was She Thinking

I should have saved this one for tomorrow, but it's too good not to pass along today. You all know I love to laugh and have a warped sense of humor. This one was on my Yahoo home page. Click here to read the article I'll be laughing at all night.

I'm The Baby, Gotta Love Me and Oh Gravatar

I have mentioned the baby in the house. Here she is, Heeeeeeeeeere's Samantha.

Ok will please tell me what's up with Gravatar. I signed up for Gravatar this weekend. I hated my first one because it didn't show up well. So I changed it to a second. Now when I comment it doesn't show up at all (like on Blogography,) or it uses my first Gravatar (on Pauly D. site.)

My first Gravatar.

My second Gravatar.

PostSecret

I just tore right threw Frank Warren's book "PostSecret." This book is about people who send him anonymous post cards with a deep dark secret they hold. I found this book humorous, thought provoking, and sometimes disturbing. It s easy reading and well worth the investment. To see what I mean check out the PostSecret website. I also will be sending Frank a post card. Below is one example that's on the website (it's not mine)...

go blog urself (a former posting for new friends)

After seeing Rosie O'Donnell on the Tonight Show, I added her to my blog roll. While at her blog I came across this Tee shirt.

100% of all profits go to children's charities

On The Roll

As you may have noticed, I have been adding bloggers and links to my sidebar. Ever since I saw that Rosie O'Donnell and Ross " The Intern " Mathews both blog, I wanted to put them both on my blog roll. I found Rosie's site the first night. Well today I just found Ross's blog. Check out his blog!! Damn, I should have blogged him for the GBBMC!! How much fun could I have had blogging him?

Another "You Make The Caption"

On A Serious Note....

What's up bloggerville. Lord knows I love to laugh, and joke, and have a good time. Today I find myself taking a serious note. I have been watching the news, think what is wrong with America today. With reading Wat's amazing postings about the Latino strife in this country, and our political representatives. With the immigration reform bills pending in both houses. All the bigotry of the bible thumbing, corporate, unsympathetic idiots that we call the American politicians. This blogger believes that change is needed.

The call for resignations in the presidential cabinet, the conflicts of Iraq and Iran, and many others I could name. Why don't we take a look at who is doing the calling. Hello red state republican voters, I am talking to you. You were the ones that voted for this Dick and Bush in the White House. You have no reason to complain about how the country is being run. You were the ones that put this president into office. You are the ones that cry out with the loudest voices for change when things don't go your way. This president has set this country back into the late 60's & early 70's.

Are the non judgmental people of this country going to need another Kent State, Stonewall, riot to have their voices herd. With deaf blinders on, this president can not even admit to his mistakes. Bush has forgotten his people and what our forefathers wrote so long ago. Where is the separation of church and state and that all Americans are equal. I know I am having a blogging temper tantrum at this moment.

I had a conversion with a good friend about the Easter Egg roll at the white house. To all the gay families who went, did you really have to wear those leis to separate yourself? We have been striving for equal rights trying to prove that we our the same as everyone else. You should have gone dressed just like the straight families without the drama queen attitude of drawing attention to yourselves. You were there for your children, not for a cause.

Speaking of children. This is for all those who protested in front of the white house during the roll. How dare you ruin something for the children who were there to have fun. Just because "gay families" were their, your bible thumping beliefs spoiled a traditional event for the beloved children who didn't understand why you were protesting. Doesn't the bible say "Love thy neighbor as thy self ?" What would happen if gays religious and none religious sects started protesting all your equal rights and ruining your children's fun? True Christians are not judgmental.

I want all the non-judgmental people of the world to go to their computers and blog those immortal words of Howard Beale in the movie "Network." I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Let's Get Loud, Let's Get Loud

So I am working Tuesday- Thursday this week do to my boss teaching at California Dreamin'. So, as I have said a few times, I go in early my first day back to clean his room, check in inventory, and complete what ever needs to be done. Well, when I went in early this week I put on one of my boss's C.D.'s marked 80's music. I have to have music on whenever I clean.

This first track comes on and it's some dance tune about boys. This blogger doesn't know the title or artist of the song. I'm cleaning and the second track comes on and it's ABBA's "Dancing Queen." Hold on, wait, wasn't ABBA in the 70's? I'm still cleaning enjoying the music.

The third track comes on, it is a dance version of Pat Benatar's "We Belong." I am so digging this C.D. Cleaning to my hearts content now. "I Love The Nightlife" follows Pat I know it's a 70's hit disco song, but I'm thinking this C.D. is amazing. The fifth track is a dance cover of Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind Love" done by this wonderful female artist. Yes!!! I love that version.

Track 6 comes on and I hear it has a Latin flavor beat;

Hey, Hey, Hey,
Let's get loud,
Let's get loud...

All of a sudden, I find myself cleaning like Hank Azaria's Agador from "The Birdcage." I put the C.D. player on repeat so it plays again. I'm dancing around the room sweeping. I'm shaking my hips dusting like when I stripped in Baltimore. Then Marion the receptionist of the salon walks in on me. Oh No, Busted.

She says to me"You're too funny!!" I say back to her "I can't help myself. I absolutely love this song!!! BTW do you know who the artist of this song is?" Marion says back to me" Oh what's her name. Oh yeah it's J. Lo." My balloon busted I exclaimed back "J. Lo., J. Lo., Oh no, no, no, it can't be." I hold my head down in shame. I put myself back into the "closet." For now I am a closet case, one song, Jenny from the Block[head] fan.

Wicked Weds. This One's For Music Lovers

I'm told there are over 70 bands and music artists in this picture. Can you find them? Pic forward to me by Jules. Have Fun!!! BTW I'll give you 2.

a) White Snake

b) 50 Cent

A Short Meme List

My brain is like that commercial. This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs. So I have a fried green tomato brain from last week. That's why this postings short.


5 guilty pleasure television shows I will NEVER admit that I watch if you asked me in person.

A) So noTORIous (VH1)

B) Deal or No Deal (NBC)

C) The Surreal Life (Vh1)

D) Charmed (The WB)

E) unan1mous (fox)

This One Is For Hurty Elbow about Mug Shot Monday

Hurty Elbow ,

Last Monday I posted on your comments that your entry reminded me of MUG SHOT MONDAY. Well it is again Monday. So click here to understand what I ment by my comment.

Mikey

The Great Pineapple Delight Mini Marshmallow Hunt At Safeway (Happy Easter)

Every year on Easter my mother would make us a treat she called "Pineapple Delight." recipe as follows:

1 Large Can Crushed Pineapple (Drained)
1 Container of Cool Whip
1 Bag of Mini Marshmallows

Mix together the night before and store in fridge so ingredients get the pineapple taste. So I was going to make everyone in the house Easter dinner, I'd surprise them with my mother's tasty treat.

So off to Safeway I rushed to do some grocery shopping. I found my crushed pineapple in the canned fruit section. I found my Cool Whip in the frozen food section. Now for the mini marshmallows. Where would I find them ?

Let's see, marshmallows expand when they get wet with pineapple juice. What was that product in all those commercials on T.V. I saw that expanded when they get wet? Hmmm What was it? Oh yes Tampons. Tampons are like marshmallows when they get wet. I'll go there to see if I can find my prize in that isle. So I get to that isle. Shampoo, soap, pit baum, Oh there they are, Tampons. Mini, Maxi, ones with wings, others without, heavy duty and lightweight flow days (Whatever that means? PLEEEEASE don't tell me.) Damn, no mini marshmallows where are they?

Ok, people get the muchies when they drink beer (BTW I HATE). marshmallows are snack food I'll try the beer isle. To my dismay all I find hanging there are chips, peanuts, pretzels and beef jerky. Damn again no mini marshmallows.

Ok I had fluffernutters (a peanut butter and whipped marshmallow sandwich) when I was a kid. I'll try the peanut butter isle. So I get to that isle, I find all types of jellies and jams. I find the peanut butter. Chunky, smooth, creamy peanut butter, Hey, there is the whipped marshmallow. Wait a minute, where are the mini's at? So I search again for 5 minutes no sign of the mini's. No mini's!!

The candy isle I tried next, to no avail no marshmallows. I resisted buying the sour gummy worms I love so much and all the other snacks I enjoy. So for the next 20 minutes I stroll up and down the isles. Not in cleaning supplies, not in the soda isle, no they aren't going to be in the meat section either.

So finally I come to the baking isle. Why would they be there but I'll try. Ok I see the flour, sugar, spices, shredded cocoanut, baking chocolate, large marshmallows. Stop, wait a minute large marshmallows the mini must be here. I looked down where the minis are supposed to be "Damn the shelf is empty!!!" Ok don't get upset get down and look to see if there is a bag that your not seeing. I bend down and looked, to my surprise I find three bags of all the same brand minis on the shelf. I grabbed one greedily and then I did the Pee Wee Herman Big Shoe dance right there in the middle of the isle. "I have my mini's, I have my mini's" I screamed for all the store to hear. I come down from my emotional high and I looked at the bag "Generic! Generic! Shit, I wanted Jet Puffed !!"

The Last GBBMC Posting "Hottie Of The Week" Idea Stolen From Party Girl

Just kidding Paul. I don't want to sleep with you. (Or am I)

The Winners of the GBBMC

Never in my life did I expect to win anything for something I wrote. I was really never good at writing, or English. I was one of those in class that would yawn in class, and carried a C average grade. Thank god for spell check (but it failed me once this week.)

I would like to announce that I was one of 6 winners picked this week in the GBBMC contest. Thank you Paul for enjoying my postings.

The others were in no order:

• Rabbit at "Two Thoughts Before The Epiphany" (Rabbit I always told you your writing was amazing. Now other people know as well)
• Dave At "Blogography"(Dave I am a huge Sci fi fan and didn't get yours Bravo dude. You would love what's hanging on the wall above my computer table. Can we say [Batleth])
• Karl At "Secondhand Tryptophan" (Thanks for your comments and support this week. I would not have guessed Joseph Smith Jr.)
• Nicole at "Star Inside" (Your pic in the [about me] section could launch 1000 ships)
• Chase at "Taste The World" (I loved reading your postings)

To Paul Davidson, Now what is this I hear about you, a flag, and a Bass-O-Matic? Can we talk about "The Flag?"

Easter Eggs from the GBBMC Postings

Day 1 My Night Of Nights

My Night of Nights was a play on words for Your Show Of Shows in which Brooks wrote for.

Disclaimer: The Bill &Ted/Paul Maud Dib was that I would be jumping to the different points in Mel Brook's life.

Gregory aka Private Hines was Gregory Hines who worked with Brooks in "The History Of The World Part One."

Brooks did do the Jolson thing but I don't know if he used black face.

The whole hooker/bar bit was a rip off of Brooks "Blazing Saddles"with a reverse racial twist.

The foreskin joke was from a previous posting of mine.

Day two "The Party."

Mel and Carl really did do the "2,000 year old man skit" at parties before they cut the record.

There were two Mels that wrote for "Your Show Of Shows." Mel Brooks and Mel Tolkin. That's how I was able to use Mel's name in this posting. The rest were the writing staff.

An accidental Easter egg happened in this posting. I didn't want to mention "The Producers" Leo, or Max till day 3. The real producer on the show was Max Liebman. Max from the movie and musical of the producers was not based on him.

Brooks did have gout surgery before the went on the air doing the 2000 year old man. Carl was really making fun of Brook's pain.

Day 3 " And Here's To You .....Annie"

Dustin and Mel and Annie really were neighbors in New York City.

Dustin was under contract to play Leo Bloom in "The Producers." Brook's let him break his contract to play the part of Ben.

The age differences were all true.

Mikey was Mike Nichols the director. I thought it would be funny using Mikey. Just look up at my header.

The leg shot really was Linda Gray's.

The all who were to play Ben was true.

I thought it would be funny for Annie to be angry at playing Mrs. Robinson. It was one of her most famous roles.

Mike did want Jeanne Moreau to play Mrs. Robinson. The producers were against her wanting an American actress to play the part of Mrs. Robinson.

The whole "Whap" thing was an homage to Brooks. He used the same gag in different movies.

Day 4 "My Comicality Crew"

"Gods and Monsters" was a movie made about the last few days of James Whale's life. The director of the 1931 "Frankenstein."

Hackman really did come up with the espresso line on the set. Which led into the coffee whore line which I posted for fun one day. I really do love coffee.

The skulls were real except the 6 months decade. Marty's ad lib "I ain't got nobody" wasn't an ad lib it was written into the script. The Mel shitting himself was also all my doing.

The Turning Point was a movie Annie did in 1977. I love that movie. Netflex it if you can.

Mel and Gene did write extra scenes so the cast could keep working together.

Blazing Saddles, The Graduate, Young Frankenstein, and The Producers are all in the top 15 of AFI's list of America's 100 Greatest Comedies.

The whole Annie part of the posting was written 3 hours before post time. I felt I needed Annie in my postings one more time with Mel before day 5.

Starting on this post I used The GBBMC Broadcast Blogger System at the beginning of the post. This was a gag on the emergency broadcast system. We had a few alerts from them about flash flooding from all the rain we had while I was writing the last two postings.

Day 5 Springtime For Hitler And Germany, And Me Too

The Title is a song they use in "The Producers."

Jewidish came from Spaceballs.

High Anxiety was a movie Brooks made.

The 15, 12 Tony award gag was a spin of the Moses gag in "History Of The World Part I."

They like us. They really like us. If you don't know this one I am going to play an Annie on you. Whap

Last is the EEEEEEEEEEE was from a posting I did a couple of weeks ago.

Again may I say "May the Schwartz be with you."

Springtime For Hitler And Germany, And Me Too (A GBBMC Blogger Whoring Posting)

This is the last posting of the GBBMC broacasting blogger system to support Paul Davidson's book "The Lost Blogs..." I hope you had as much fun as I had doing these postings. For all you new readers please go to my sidebar to see my fellow contestants postings.

A very special thank you to Paul and Kevin for all the fun.


I don't believe this year. My new Broadway show "The Producers" is the biggest hit on Broadway. I casted Matthew and Nathan in the leads as Leo and Max. They did a much better job then what Gene and Zero did in the movie. Who'd have thunk that I could take such a schitzkolf, bad film I made and turn it into a success? I am making so much money now off this show I feel like a Jewidish American Prince.

So it's the night of the Tony awards. I have so much "High Anxiety" I am about ready to shit myself from my nerves. My show is winning all types of awards tonight. I am nervous as hell fidgeting in my seat. The show is up for best musical. OMG we won. We won the most Tony awards of any musical in history. They liked us! They really liked us! Who would figure my time in the army making fun of Hitler would be such a cash cow for me!! Oy Vey, who'd figure.
I would like to thank the lord Jehovah for these 15, 12 , yes 12 Tony awards.

To my wife Annie: The night of the Tony awards was the second best night of my life. The best night was the night I met you. We laughed and cried together. We went threw the good times and the bad times. I love you sweetheart. May you rest in peace. You were always the love of my life and my soul mate. I am incomplete again without you in my life. I just wanted you to know I miss you so much.

This ends my guest postings. So to all my blogging buddies I say "May the Schwartz be with you!!! This is Mel Brooks logging off. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHAP! !

"Ouch, that hurt, Mel !!!"


Footnote: Tomorrow I will be posting all Easter eggs and the true and false trivia from my contest postings.

My Comicality Crew (A GBBMC Blogger Whoring Posting)

This posting is yet again part of the GBBMC broadcasting blogger system to support Paul Davidson's book "The Lost Blogs...' Again I hope all of you enjoy this posting. Please checkout my fellow contestants postings they are fantastic. The links to their sites are on my sidebar. I would also like to welcome the USA TODAY ON LINE readers to our guest postings.

Gene was working on "Blazing Saddles" (inspired by my posting My Night Of Nights ) with me and says, "Man, why don't you do my idea for your next film." So I Looked at the script and loved it. It was a parody of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. I was wonder if possible if we could get James Whale's original set from his version of Frankenstein. For the love of "Gods and Monsters", we really did find that fucking equipment.

We are all having so much fun doing the principle photography shoot that none of us want it to end. Even the props department got into all the fun. They used my face on one of the gargoyles heads. We shot Marty's scene with the skull heads, and most of them were real all except for the one that was six months decade. (with Marty's skull you don't know if it's live, or if it's memorex because he's so fugly abbynormal) Man, did those fucking skulls stink!!! On the set Marty came up with great ad lib "I ain't got nobody" only showing his head. I fell off my directors chair laughing so hard I shit myself. Oy Vey, I think I need to start wearing Depends for this shoot. Damn it, where is June Allison when you need her!!

We also shot the "Puttin' on the Ritz" scene. Pete had no idea how the monster was going to do the scene. I confronted Pete while he was eating his lunch. I asked him if he knew how to do the super duper scene. With a mouth full of food he tries to say the line. I said "Hold on, that's fucking perfect man!! Do it like that when we shoot the scene!!"

The whole cast went nuts when they herd Pete saying "Wutting on the Writz" in such a strangled voice. This whole cast shows up everyday when their not even in the scenes. Schitzkolf, I really can't finish shooting any damn scenes with them all hanging out, but Oy Vey, I just love this cast. Teri, Mad, Cloe, Gene, Marty, and Pete are all trying to crack each other up on the set. I think I am going to ask Gene to write some extra scenes with me so we can keep working together.

Gene Hackman showed up the other day to do his cameo. I am such a schmuck for not giving him his screen credit. Hacky came up with a wonderful zinger. "Hey come back. I was going to make espresso." I told Gene after the shot, "Hey man, you can make me one. I am a coffee whore. I just love espresso, mochas, you name it!!"

I remember when I was first casting the movie. I accidentally fondled Teri's breasts. "What Knockers" Ooops, my bad, that one just slipped out of my mouth. I couldn't help myself. Then to my surprise Teri says to me (blushing) "[Oh thank you Dirrrector] would you like to take me now to the casting couch [and take a roll, roll, roll in the hay.] What the fuck man, if I wasn't a married to Annie I would had fucked her......Hard.

(Shhh, Stop laughing. Annie is right beside me and if she reads this posting I will be bitch slapped again. Not only that, it would be a bad "Turning Point" in our relationship.)

Poor Gene, I don't know how he keeps his composure working with Marty. Yesterday Gene bruised the fuck out of his hand by accidentally hitting Marty's hump."Damn your hump, Hey isn't your hump suppose to be over there?" Pointing to Marty's hump. It seems Marty was playing a gag on all of us for the past few days. None of us noticed that he kept switching his hump from right to left and back again. The little schmuck.

Honey what was that? Oh SHITZKOLF, Oh great, see what you guys did by laughing too loud!! Now I'm president screwball. Let me read that posting? Bastard, you wanted to fuck Teri? Log off. LOG OFF I SAID.........Whap "Ouch!!!!!"

And Here's To You.... Annie (A GBBMC Blogger Whoring Posting)

This posting is again part of the GBBMC to support Paul Davidson's book "The Lost Blogs...' Again I hope all of you enjoy this posting. Please checkout my fellow contestants postings. The links to their sites are on my sidebar. I would also like to welcome all the new USA TODAY ON LINE readers to our guest postings.

Annie (my wife) came back from Mikey's office (on the rag.) She was complaining about the casting of her next film. Annie says "Honey do you believe this Schmutz. Mikey is having problems casting the part of Ben. That new guy named Robert Redford tested like shit with Candice Bergen. Burt Ward can't play the part of Ben do to his commitment on Batman. Charles Grodin had some problems with his deal so he can't play Ben. Who the fuck is next on Mikey's list? He doesn't know who he's going to get? To top it all off I wasn't his first choice for Mrs. Robinson."

Mikey wanted some French bitch Jeanne Moreau to play her. The producers of the movie are totally against Mikey's idea to have a French actress to play Mrs. Robinson. Mikey said to them "Ok I 'll change leads, but I won't budge on Simon and Garfunkel. Mikey liked the idea of a French actress balling a younger American actor. Mikey's idea was that Mrs. Robinson would be more believable as a French whore."

Annie's really ragging to me now saying "And how the hell am I suppose to play Katherine's mother when she is only eight years younger then me." I say back to her "Honey, there are good make-up artist at the studio." Whap!!! She bitch slaps me.

All of a sudden there is a knock at the door. "Hey Dustin," (our next door neahboor), "what's up man?" He says to me " Do you think I can get out of my contract with you? (He was to play Leo Bloom in my next film). I asked "Why?" "You see man, they offered me the lead role in this film called "The Graduate". It's a much stronger role then Leo, and I really like to play the part of Ben."

Annie has totally gone beserk. "See what Mikey's doing to me!! He's only six years younger then me, and I'm the one who's going to have to fuck him in the film!!! Oh for Jehovahs sake does it never end?" Now I have really had it with Annie, so to just to piss her off even more I say to Dustin "Sure go ahead and take the role of Ben, I think I can get my good friend Gene to take the role of Leo. Gene always did want to work with Zero."

So after Annie and Dustin finish doing their principal photography, Annie comes home steaming again. (Oy Vey, I really have to do something about my wife's temper) "For the promotional shot for the film, Mikey doesn't want to uses my legs!! He wants some up and coming model named Linda Gray for the still shot. Why not my legs? I wax my legs? I have nice legs!!" "Well, I have seen Linda's legs, not to offend you honey but Linda's legs are better then yours." I said. Whap!!! "Ouch!!" That's going to leave a mark.

An Interruption In The GBBMC (We Have Gone National)

I am giving Mikey back his computer so he can write a real posting. So here's Mikey. "Thank you so much guest blogger."

Dudes we are amazing. I wasn't going to do a real posting this week and let my guest blogger only do his postings, but when I read the E mail that we were featured on the USA Today On Line. I nearly wet myself. Who had figure that this would be such a huge hit for Paul Davidson (The writer of "The Lost Blogs...") and Kevin aka Kapgar doing the GBBMC. Never in my life that something I was involved with would be put into a national publication or on a nationwide website for millions of readers to read. Now the game is really on and the pressure too.

I want to tell my fellow bloggers I am really enjoying reading your postings and I am having way too much fun with my guest blogger. I am still clueless to many of the your guest bloggers. I want to thank Paul and Kevin for allowing us to have this amazing experience. I am just afraid my guest blogger will sue me for slander if he reads my postings. So lets raise the bar with our writing.

I am now going to return my computer over to my guest blogger so he can finish writing his postings for this week. Hopefully I won't have to do anymore real postings for week. My guest blogger already thinks I am a little schmuck. "Thank you Mikey, and don't worry I am not going to sue you. You little schmuck!!."

The Party (A GBBMC Blogger Whoring Posting)

This posting is part of the GBBMC to support Paul D's. book "The Lost Blogs..." Again, I hope you enjoy the posting and check out the other contestants postings. Their links are on my sidebar.

Mel, Larry, Woody, Carl, Max, Lucille, and myself all went to a party. Imogene didn't feel like going (seems it was her time of the month.) Sid already drunk and throwing a temper tantrum at work also didn't feel like going to the party. (He can be a real party pain in the ass spoiler)

So, we are all at the party getting plastered. Woody is talking to Max, and Larry saying he wants to become a big star.(Booooring and he always puts me in a [SLEEPER] mode.) He's always saying that shit (he doesn't have the talent). Who would really want to listen to him with that thin, whinny voice of his anyway. Mel and Lucille are batting around some ideas to boost the ratings and what we can do to Sid and Imogene next on the show.

I say to Carl "We really need to liven things up!!" Why don't you interview me and I'll give the puchlines?" Carl agrees and we go into our schtick. Carl was trying to catch me off guard asking me "Do you know Joan Of Arc?" I say to him "Know her? I fucked her...... Hard!" The bantering goes on for while. The guests at the party are laughing their asses off. After we stopped, it was all the party guests could talk about the rest of the night. Max (the producer of the show) asked Carl and I if we would like to do this on the air? Carl and I agree thinking why not we both could use a few extra bucks.

About a week or two before we are suppose to go on the air, some gout flared up in my leg. The flair up was so bad I need surgery on it. Schitzkolf now I have to go on the air with a fuckin'
limp, and in pain."

Max wanted Carl to make up some questions for me and approve them before we went on the air. As for me, he wanted me to say what ever came to mind. That could be really dangerous since I'm on pain killers. Lord Jehovah for give me if I say something wrong and the FCC fines us.

Air time and the skit is going great. Carl (the schmuck) surprises me with an unapproved question "I see your limping, how does it feel to be old?" What the hell, he is trying to make fun of me and my pain!!! So I come back with "How would you feel being 2000 years old, and boy are my legs tired."

We were such big a hit, Carl and I cut a record of the routine. LOL The record is such a huge success we won three grammys. Oy Vey, who'd figured.

My Night Of Nights (A GBBMC Blogger Whoring Posting)

Disclaimer: I am writing in a blogging contest this week as a famous person for the next five days. Do to certain historical facts about this person, I find myself having to use words, and situations that go against my being. I refuse to use them in my real life. This posting is the most offensive of the week. The words are, nigger, fag, cunt, and making fun of Jews. So I want to apologize to all blacks, gays, women, and Jews right now before I start. You will understand on Friday when I reveal who is this famous person . Yes, I will be pulling a Bill &Ted/Paul Maud Dib with this person. Enjoy the postings and check out the other contestants postings. The links are on my sidebar. Mikey


What the fuck does the US army want to draft the son of Russian Jewish immigrants? My parents fled that damn country just to get away from those commie bastards. Now the army wants me to fight side by side with them? Shheeshish.

So I am at boot camp, we have to take some type of aptitude test to see if we have any "special hidden talents." I am thinking yeah right I'll just be a foot grunt, but I would be great for the USO. So the test results come back, "combat engineer" do you believe that schitzkolf!!! Oy Vey!!


Me and the boys turn on radio Europe on the wireless in our barracks. The only thing we can tune in is Hitler's propaganda broadcasts. I see that the boys are getting more, and more depressed by the moment. Rushing out to the commissary I bolt. I grab some lard and rush back to my barracks (with the lard hiding in my jacket.) I go to my footlocker, grabbing a cork out of a bottle of booze I have hidden there, some matches, and my tin cup. Then off into the latrine I rush. I burn the cork in the tin cup and put in the lard mixing it into a paste. I schmear it all over my face and rush out to the boys. Then I get on one knee and do my best Jolson imitation. Singing:

"Yesterday I heard Hitler sigh
"Goodbye" Hit ler, Oh my
Seven Jews got aboard his train
And seven Jews he shot dead, never
to kiss his ass again, And tell him...

Toot, Toot, Hitler Goo'bye
Toot, Toot, Hitler we'll cry...

The boys always love it when I do Jolson. One day, one of those nigger soldiers saw me doing my Jolson. Needless to say he wasn't amused with my brand of humor. So he tells me to meet him outside that night, and that he was going to show me what the black culture was like.

So before I meet this guy, I slug down a few shots to relax me taking off the black face. I meet the nigger guy who I'll call Gregory. So I meet Gregory outside the base gates, we start walking and talking. Now the drinks are hitting because I am more relaxed (also horny, drinks always do that to me). He tells me he is going to take me to something called a "Jazz" bar. Who knew they had black bars in Europe.

We get to the club (and it is all niggers, I find that out when we walk in) and now I am REALLY HORNY. So Gregory and I walk in, I see it's all niggers and I blurt out "Hey, where are all the white women?" The men in the bar are about ready to lynch me. Gregory assured them I had only a few drinks and not to worry. "Watch your mouth boy, whitey!!" I said back to him "You better watch that whitey shit boy, you uppity nigger."

We step up to the bar. For what a commotion I caused in the bar when we enter, the bartender asked my for my I.D. Me being drunk as a skunk now I say "Let me just whip this out" and I reach into my pants. The nigger women start to faint. Some are burying their heads into their boyfriends shoulders. The bartender throws us out thinking I am going to pull my dick out instead of my I.D.

I tell Private Hines to go back to the base. I am so horny now I am ready to hump Hitler himself. I find this red headed prostitute and we go back to her bedroom. I pay her to fuck all night long. She asked me if I was Jewish and if it was true if we were circumcised. She turns off the lights, reaches down my pants and says " Oh itth's trwue, itth's trwue." "Yes it is true, and my mom kept the foreskin for a hair scrungie! It works great in a pinch!!" I said.

We haven't slept all night. I tell the whore that I need to get back to the base. She gets really angry at me. When I start to walk out the door the pyscho cunt is yelling at me "You men are all the same!! Coming and going, and going and coming, and always too soon. What about my needs? You didn't give me an orgasm yet, you Jewish fag!!" I am think she's not a prostitute, she must be a nympho from the Nile. I get back to base and fall asleep as soon as my head hits my bunk, sore as hell like something the cat dragged in.

Footnote: These postings inspired by Paul D.

Nail Biting Time

It's just a few hours till the GBBMC starts. I have been looking at all my fellow bloggers to see if anyone is going to post at midnight like I will be posting. I am working on Fridays posting and the muse is lacking. I finally am happy with Wed. posting I need to look over Thursdays. I want to wish everyone good luck, I look forward to reading your postings to see who you are writing. So I am watching some guilty pleasures on VH1 and John Cena comes on the tube. two words "very hot"

The Extreme Blog Makeover

As you have noticed, my blog has undergone some changes to say the least. Due to trying to put Paul's GBBMC ad on my sidebar by myself, my template went haywire. My blog roll color changed to purple, and it was very hard on the eyes.

There were other things on this template I wanted to post. Things like a few of my favorite links, and a cleaner, softer looking blog so I chose this one. I liked the other template, but with so many changes in my life I wanted the look of my blog to change.

Thanks to Belinda (you rule girlfriend) she was able to help me put the ad into this template. I also know now how to write code to add more of my favorite links.

As for the "Bloggers Who Rock" font size I have yet to figure that one out to change it. I did put the code in myself with no help.

I hope everyone enjoys the new look. I know I am having fun playing around with the template codes. Mikey

April 10

Well it's almost here folks. I just want to tell Kapgar April 10 was Sunday of last year and Monday this year. I know buddy I am a bitch!!

Could someone help me put this into my sidebar and add a title to my blog roll ...Please.

Jules, And The Stop Sign

So Jules picture was in the paper today. I must have searched for 15 minutes trying to find this picture. After seeing it I thought, damn that is one of the worst pictures ever taken of one of my dearest friends in this life. I kept thinking, she needs mouse to send them one of his of his mom. The "Rockstar" picture comes to mind

Today I worked 10 hours at my job. Riding home there are only 2 stoplights and a few stop signs on the way home. Tonight I was so tried from work, I waited for 30 seconds for one of the stop signs to turn green while riding home on my bike.

The Blogging Contest And The Web Cam Controversy

With all that has gone on in my life the past few weeks with computers dying, the S.W.A.T. team and all, my creative juices are not flowing for the last two postings of the blogging contest, and I hate my third posting. I am sure I'll put it all together and Paul who is the judge will like what I write as will the rest of you. There is still time to sign up on Kapgar's site. Remember I will be posting this Monday to Friday as someone famous.

I have had an inner strife with myself to do a posting about the young gentleman who testified in front of a congressional committee about solicitation of underage children for sex with web cams this week. I agree that what the young man did was brave and courageous and he had more balls then what I do. I find myself having more questions then answers about this young man.

1. The authorities were given 1500 names and only two arrests made?

2. If this young man received money from those perverts, what did he do with the money?

3. I know he was first solicited when he was 13, why did he wait so long to say anything about it when he turned old enough to know it was wrong? Say about 16 or 17. And for a 13 year old to build a porn web site and make money, it seems to me like the whole story isn't there?

4. Where were the parents during this time period? If he was making money and buying things why didn't the parents ask how he could afford the items and where they were coming from? Did they just turn a blind eye?

I am not saying what those men did to that young man wasn't wrong, for it was. I am not defending those men. I think all those men should be arrested. Not having seen his testimony, I keep wondering if there is more here then what he is informing us, and what was his real motives for turning in his clients? Did he just become too old and wasn't making the same money? Is it a revenge thing, I just don't know, and why did he now just come forward with this information?

Recommendation

This was in Mikey's store as a recommendation at Amazon.com. Ahh come on, do I REALLY have to say anything?

It's WW Again

1: Go the F^&* Away rain. It's been raining here for forty days and forty nights. We are saving water from the sewers backing up. I feel I should build an ark or something. BTW what's a cubit? Right!!


2: 5 more songs that get stuck in your head

a) Better Off Alone-Alice Deejay now on my wish list

b) The Hardest Thing-Solonor

c) Follow Me -Uncle Cracker

d) Believe-Cher

e) Both Sides Now- Judy Collins


3: How come I am on my third computer in less then a week? My hard drive died on my first one. I updated the files on the second then it wouldn't restart with no power. I am now on my third.

4: Guess who I just put on my blog roll. Click here to find out.

5: Why is there always a trouble maker who slows down the express lines when I get there?

The 5 Wishes

Before I start I want everyone to know I will be blogging from the 10-14 as a famous person. So if I am not myself it's just my alter ego showing, I will return on the 15th. Check out Paul's site.
To enter the blogging contest go to kapgar's blog.

I am healthier then I have been in the last few years. Due to changes in the county I now have a new nurse named Mona Lisa. I still have the same social worker. Doing the Amazon wish list brought me back to a former roommate that passed away.

When he was on his death bed they asked him to fill out a form for his 5 last wishes. I don't want to worry about that when I am on my death bed. So I asked for the list should something happen to me. So I am putting it out there for people to see.

1: Matthew my ex will handle all health care decisions if I can't .

2: I want the plug pulled and not be in a vegetated state.

3: I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the ocean. (What I really wanted was to be buried up side down with my ass out of the ground so everyone could kiss my ass goodbye)

4: Should someone have a memorial for me I want Queens "One Year Of Love" played at the service. (It's from the movie Highlander)

5: How do you want people to remember you? He did peddle his ass in this town, literally (I don't have a car so I bike everywhere)

When I talked to Matthew about this he told me "You know everyone is going to have to dress up as sharks, Aliens, people from Battlestar Galatica, Babylon 5, Highlander, and Star Trek. I know I'm coming as a Borg.

footnote: You may have to hit cancel twice to get to the 5 wishes web site. The try to down load the forms for you automatically.

Asked For By Ms. Sizzle

So I wrote about Amazon.com. Ms. Sizzle asked if I put the link on my blog for people to see and of coarse I didn't. So I am now posting the link for all to ckeck out some of my wishes. Enjoy, some of them I rated the highest and some lowest, some I made a few comments on. Click here to see my list.

Amazon.Com

So I told you I went to Jules house after work on Saturday. Some how the discussion of gifts came into our conversation. She asked me have you ever gone to Amazon.com. I said not really not having any credit cards I really can't buy anything on line. She then informed me that there is something called a wish list on A.Com.

This is a site where all your friends and relatives can go to see what you would like or need so when they give you something you won't have to regift the item.(Something I have never done, well maybe once)

So on my wish list I suggested basic needs like pillows, sheets, a comforter (all in queen size), casual and dress pants and so on. Then I got tacky, I put on such items as diamond stud earrings, a men's opal ring (my birthstone), surf board, wet suit, a digi camera.

I found all the items I desire right now in life but two things:

1; A cure for Hiv/Aids

2: My next new ex boyfriend

Amazon.Com can you help me with these two items?

The Snap

So I went to Jules house after work to see her Fab. new hair cut. Her son G. T. and I started to talk lines from films. He started to quote a line from "Full Metal Jacket."

G.T.: "There is only two things that come from Texas. That's steers and queers. I don't see no horns on you boy!"

Me: "Sorry dude that was from an "Officer And A Gentleman."

Jules: "They also used it in Full Metal Jacket"

So G.T. finished the line from Full Metal Jacket.

So I said back to him : "I don't see no horns on president Bush!!"

Oh Snap!!!

Songs That Get Stuck In Your Head

I am not going to do an April fools joke on my blog. I am using the house computer till my computer gets fixed. So today I am going to see how many songs I can get stuck in your head. This idea for the posting came about do to certain bloggers mentioning certain songs in their postings.

1. S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night

2. Kill the Hobbit, Kill the Hobbit

3. Oh tainted love, oh changing love

4. Well relax don't do it

5. I love the night life I go to boogie on this disco high oh yah

6. My heart will go on and on,

7. And I will always love you.

8. Billy don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life

9. If you could read my mind love. A tale my thoughts could tell

10. We will, we will, rock you

So there is 10 for you. I should have saved this for Wicked Wednesday.